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I do think the "it's not a choice" thing can be problematic, but I will take it any day over, "but you just haven't been with the right person yet!" I've tried to choose men. A couple times. I've had sex with them, I've been in relationships with them, I just don't LOVE them. Not at all on par with how the men I've gotten very serious with loved me. I mean, I guess I could have chosen them anyway, but it wouldn't have been fair to either of us. I'm a scientist, so I won't rule out the possibility that I may, one day, fall in love with a man in a way that will actually last. But that feels on par with the idea that the universe may not actually be logical and may operate on a set of laws deceptively similar to logic. I can choose who I have sex with, certainly. I'll still have sex with men. Men can be fun that way. But I don't think I can choose who I have the capacity to love...I think it's hard-wired and ingrained and carved in my very soul that women are who I love.