by Beryl
Yes i have personal exsperience with eating disorders...
i started starving myselvf when i was around 9 years old.. kind of scary to think about.. but atleast it was never because i thought I was thick. It was about control, frustrurations and sadness.. it was a way for me to punish myselvf for thing i didnt even knew or understood i did wrong.
Sometimes it seems like its tabu, to talk about eating disorders.
My parents handled it by yelling at me, and telling me how important it is to eat -maybe they didnt realize that it wasent about the food..
The fear of being yelled at and, juged made me keep it to myselvf - no one knew that i only ate one meal per day.
When I got older i could tell people that i had troble eating, but it was like i made myselvf belive that it wasent sutch a big deal.
And i told no docktors - it never crossed my mind.. do i have anorexia? offcors not.. i dont see myselvf as being thick so everything is fine, atleast thats what i told myselvf.
When i went to boardingschool, I started eating much better. I think its because they had a rule, that we werent allowed to skip any of the meals that we all ate together. I was verry acktive, and i actually ate as i should - the only year of my life where i ate like i should.
I belived i didn't, have a problem eating annymore.
But I did..
after i moved out of my parents house, i sometimes only ate some cady and a little bread. The day i was at work I didnt eat breakfast, I ate alot at lunch, and barely ate dinner - witch i think was bad for me, since i need to eat often to keep myselvf going.
My boyfriend (who i have been with for a year) is in the other end of the scale, he have been dealing with overeating for many years. you may think this could cause a distance between us, but he seem to understand it better than annyone else. A big help is that he cooks for me, he cooks for me whatever i whant - and I can allways taste the love. He never blames me, if i cant eat it all - as my parents did "im just happy you eat something" he allways say.
If it turns out i havent eaten a whole day, he never yell at me or blame me. Often he just smiles at me, and ask me of i would be so kind to eat something. It has been weird for me, to get use to telling him all about it - im still scared..
Not long ago i I finally told my docktor, and she said that what i have is pretty close to being anorexia. It fells good to know, that im not fighting this alone.
A couple of years ago, i slowly started gaining on weight. And I reached the point, where i thought i looked fat - never have i had this much fat on my body. I suddeenlly whanted to loose the weight again, it was hard for me to get use to it. But I allso remember that i didnt like, looking at myselvf on the mirrow when i was too skinny. I wanna gain weight, but its not as easy as it sounds. I still havent reached my goal of 50 kg, but its okay because i will keep trying.
There is so much to say about this subject..
But I actually just whanted to show you a doll I made - i got the idea for it one day i was looking at myselvf in the morrow.
i started starving myselvf when i was around 9 years old.. kind of scary to think about.. but atleast it was never because i thought I was thick. It was about control, frustrurations and sadness.. it was a way for me to punish myselvf for thing i didnt even knew or understood i did wrong.
Sometimes it seems like its tabu, to talk about eating disorders.
My parents handled it by yelling at me, and telling me how important it is to eat -maybe they didnt realize that it wasent about the food..
The fear of being yelled at and, juged made me keep it to myselvf - no one knew that i only ate one meal per day.
When I got older i could tell people that i had troble eating, but it was like i made myselvf belive that it wasent sutch a big deal.
And i told no docktors - it never crossed my mind.. do i have anorexia? offcors not.. i dont see myselvf as being thick so everything is fine, atleast thats what i told myselvf.
When i went to boardingschool, I started eating much better. I think its because they had a rule, that we werent allowed to skip any of the meals that we all ate together. I was verry acktive, and i actually ate as i should - the only year of my life where i ate like i should.
I belived i didn't, have a problem eating annymore.
But I did..
after i moved out of my parents house, i sometimes only ate some cady and a little bread. The day i was at work I didnt eat breakfast, I ate alot at lunch, and barely ate dinner - witch i think was bad for me, since i need to eat often to keep myselvf going.
My boyfriend (who i have been with for a year) is in the other end of the scale, he have been dealing with overeating for many years. you may think this could cause a distance between us, but he seem to understand it better than annyone else. A big help is that he cooks for me, he cooks for me whatever i whant - and I can allways taste the love. He never blames me, if i cant eat it all - as my parents did "im just happy you eat something" he allways say.
If it turns out i havent eaten a whole day, he never yell at me or blame me. Often he just smiles at me, and ask me of i would be so kind to eat something. It has been weird for me, to get use to telling him all about it - im still scared..
Not long ago i I finally told my docktor, and she said that what i have is pretty close to being anorexia. It fells good to know, that im not fighting this alone.
A couple of years ago, i slowly started gaining on weight. And I reached the point, where i thought i looked fat - never have i had this much fat on my body. I suddeenlly whanted to loose the weight again, it was hard for me to get use to it. But I allso remember that i didnt like, looking at myselvf on the mirrow when i was too skinny. I wanna gain weight, but its not as easy as it sounds. I still havent reached my goal of 50 kg, but its okay because i will keep trying.
There is so much to say about this subject..
But I actually just whanted to show you a doll I made - i got the idea for it one day i was looking at myselvf in the morrow.
