Preserver's Plea

I posted more about this on the "how do you feel?" thread, but I wanted to repeat it here, because I think it will help how we relate to one another (not that we're doing a bad job, far from it!) and foster deeper understanding:

I read a book last night that said that what all of us-- everyone-- wants, deep down, is to feel valued. To be validated and affirmed by those around us. Running like a current beneath our conversations, beneath the things we do, is this feeling-- that we want people to like us, to think we're good people, that we have value and our opinions and lives have value. I know for a fact that this is true for me. It's probably, to be honest, the main reason I write fiction and fan fiction-- I want to hear people say, "hey, what you had to say was good. It touched me. I like you."

So I'm putting this out as a plea-- let's try to go out of our way to communicate respect and validation to one another, especially when we're discussiong a controversial topic. Because respect is not the default-- it doesn't come across automatically. If we don't communicate respect and validation, what's going to come across is disrespect and belittling. Because when it comes down to it, a human is a very insecure little animal. Wouldn't you agree?

Respect is communicated by validating what the other has to say, even if you don't agree with it-- "you make a good point, but--" And by avoiding labels or anything that belittles the reader or any group of people.

Thanks for listening! :D

I like you.. No matter what you write and what you don't write...

Wise words, wordgazer... *hugs*

(hugs Leanan and Jeppe) Thanks!

I know exactly what you mean, Kirsten. And I agree fully. Reading your post definitely resonated on a lot of levels as a forum member. I do write every post with the hope that it'll be valued.
Of course, that's not the only reason - after all, I've grown to like some of the members here almost like family members, and some of you I consider to be more than just friends, and that means more to me than you can imagine.

But yeah, I do want to be liked, just like everone else.
So let's try to be as human, and as civil as possible. It's actually kinda nice to be liked.

I know it is hard to stay calm during controversial debates... particularly when we feel we have the protection of the internet's "anonymity". I know I do a heckuva lot more talking here than I would be prepared to do in a room full of live people.

Still.... even tho' we have some rocky threads... this is the greatest forum full of the nicest people I've ever been on. I do generally feel that everyone here respects each other... and that's why I keep returning. I love our conversations. :D

Everybody wants to be loved, everybody wants to be liked by everyone, but that's almost impossible.

Hm...I think there already is a lot of respect on this board.
I said it before, I've never seen a place so friendly like this place!! -on the internet;)-

I just wanted to repeat this; good things can't be said too often.

**hugs all around** :D

I love my boardmom

I love this place!

(Hugs everybody, with an extra hug for White Tiger) You all make me feel warm and cozy inside!

*jumps into group hug with some sponk!* :D

Jumps in too. But not with sponk, I have no idea what it is and it could land me in soooooo much trouble. Or just a whole heap of sponk and I don't know if it stains.

I myself am not certain precisely what sponk is but it did seem appropriate. (i think i'm being influenced by Nowth)