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Battlefield: Cornage

TrollHammer

Corny insults here...

lunakat

No one showed up?



You guys must be lost in thought. That's unfamiliar territory!

TrollHammer

The bird was the word, then I heard you were a nerd.

lunakat

They say it's basically a rule that you're too school for cool.

TrollHammer

Is that your face, or did you forget to put your diaper on again?

lunakat

You need to get yourself some glasses... before you get yourself in trouble. Wasn't last time bad enough? Can't have you kissing any more donkey rear ends, now, can we?

TrollHammer

I never kissed you!

lunakat

No you didn't.. that was you mama.

lunakat

Sorry about the mix up= The hairy rear end just confused me.

TrollHammer

Another hairy rear joke. You dont get out much, do you? No, I guess you must, if you like oggling your farm animals all the time, trying to come up with things to post...

lunakat

Oh my god... I'm so sorry! You must be so offended.

You did just kiss your mama on the cheek. Perfectly innocent.
Or... well, that's assuming you found her big, round cheeks under that growth of beard!

I just hope that nothing I said about her did anything to shatter the rose colored glasses you've been wearing. If ignorance is bliss, you must have been the happiest person alive. In fact... if what you don't know can't hurt you- you must be invulnerable by now! I heard that a thought crossed your mind once... that must have been one long, and lonely journey. But it's nice to know, if I ever need a brain transplant, there's one just sitting around that's never been used.

TrollHammer

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

lunakat

Yo mama was a dog... and your daddy smelt of kibble.

TrollHammer

You once dabbled in witchcraft. You figured you had the broom you liked to "ride", the pointy motheaten black hat, smelled funny, and had a warty nose, so why not go all out? You wrote to a black magic corrispondance.



So you were working on a beauty potion. It called for:



Blood of Parasite

Scale of Leper's Foot

Hair of Bald Woman

Dried infertile egg

Sweat from an old goat

Tears of a Wretch

Flakes of Lizard's Skin





This is how you realized you had been ripped off, because this is the same concoction created whenever you decide to take a bath or go for a swim, and it has NEVER improved your appearance.

lunakat

How can you be so imaginative, with so much hollow space between your ears? Is it scary... when the wind blows?

TrollHammer

The whistling you hear is not from the wind, it is from my lips, a talent you never even attepted to master. The first time you saw someone whistling you thought they had to have been an Einstine level genius, and dismissed it, looking for something easier to do, like watching grass grow.

lunakat

The first time I saw someone whistling, I realized it was because I'm hot.



I don't know what I did, but I didn't mean to turn you on.

TrollHammer

Oh, trust me, the only way you could have turned me on would be with a couple thousand volts DC... And there still wouldnt be a spark.

lunakat

Right... Exactly like your "father" did when he created you! Raise the platform... throw the switch... and (Whala!) "It's alive! Aliiive!"

Behold- the moment of your birth!

TrollHammer

When they assembled you, they forgot the brain. They also forgot your face.



Unfortunately for the rest of us, they forgot to put a bag over it too.

lunakat

Your daddy threw that bag over his own head when he saw what he created!

TrollHammer

Yo daddy put a bag over his face too... Plastic.



Funeral's next friday.

lunakat

Plastic is the only reason yo mama married yo daddy. And it's also the only reason yo daddy can stand lookin' at yo mama's face. Big improvement, plastic surgery.

lunakat

Most people consider cosmetic surgery to be a luxury. Your mama's cosmetic surgery was considered a public service.

TrollHammer

Yo mama wasnt a canidate for plastic surgery: theres enough of a reflection in the scalple, and yo mama's face breaks mirrors....

lunakat

Whereas yo mama, yo doctor and every else you know has practically begged you to alter your appearance.

TrollHammer

I have to hand it to you. You single handedly saved the Skunk Oil industry. You smell so bad you need large quantities to smell better.

lunakat

You smell like a subway in Prague on a warm, summer day. Consistently.

TrollHammer

You were once caught by a fisherman using a corndog for bait. You almost choked to death. He forgot to take the stick out. Fortunately the "large mouth" part of you saved you, but he still threw you back.

lunakat

That story you just told makes no sense.

TrollHammer

I heard you had a bladder control problem. This site might help!

lunakat

Why? Did it help you? Do you 'depend' on it? Or do you have any manhood left to guard?

TrollHammer

Karioke clubs love it when you show up. Everyone feels free to follow up up. After all, they cant do any worse.

lunakat

They can't do better.

Your spelling on the other hand (karaoke) makes you a favorite competitor at the fifth grade spelling bee.

Nice use of spell check, google or a dictionary... not. FYI- if the word is underlined in red when you type (as happens if you misspell something on this forum)... you need to use one of said listed resources.

TrollHammer

Nice reuse of material. I guess it saves you the trouble of thinking up new insults.

It doesnt get much cornier than your bow-tie.

lunakat

The corniest thing around here is the knitted sweater your gramma made you for Xmas. Sure evidence of her sense of humor. When you guys out together, it's just so darned cute- cus you wear that sweater, and she wears an "I'm with stupid" tshirt... then goes home and just laughs....

TrollHammer

Some people look at a bag of Cheetos as half full of smiles.

Yours seem to always come out frowns.

lunakat


Some people look at a bag of Cheetos as half full of smiles.

Yours seem to always come out frowns.


Guess it depends on your perception, Mr. Negative!


Apparently your mother didn't like you much either....


I'm curious.. which sole are you 'kindred' to?

This one?

lunakat

Or this one?

TrollHammer

Both. Her face has felt quite close to the fish, and her rear end is well acquainted with the boot.

In Luna's case, though, the situation is reversed.