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Battlefield: Freestyle

TrollHammer

All insult styles are allowed here.

Trollbabe

You should befriend One-Eye. He can only see half of how ugly you are. Wait, make that Sun-Toucher...

TrollHammer

Hmm... About the only one that would sink so low as to date you would be Winnowil... You should go for it!

Trollbabe

I

ll leave her to you. She's a highly advanced healer. Maybe she can heal "ugly."

lunakat

Hey, looks fade... but stupid is forever. At least we know you've got an open mind about things. I can hear the wind whistling through it from here!

TrollHammer

Yeah, I agree, you cant fix stupid, but if that true, how were you able to figure it out?

lunakat

What are you talking about? I haven't fixed you yet!

TrollHammer

Hey, werent you the cat in 'Search for the holy grail'? You know, they one they were beating the rug with? It would exain some things. Perhaps not. Maybe you were the dead.guy on the cart, at the bottom of the pile.

lunakat

See, this is what happens when you watch too much tv as a kid. Reality gets hard to distinguish. Say, speaking of- weren't you that guy who failed history because you based all your research on Monty Python? Rumor has it you thought 'Search for the Holy Grail' was a documentary!

lunakat

BTW- I heard that dead guy in the cart was played by yo mama. They picked her cus the smell was so authentic.

TrollHammer

Naw, Grail wasnt a documentary, but there was a documentary that ended with the party finding you... It was entitled "The Search for the Epic Fail"

Trollbabe

Yo' mama should know history, she lived through most of it.

lunakat

Quote:


Naw, Grail wasnt a documentary, but there was a documentary that ended with the party finding you... It was entitled "The Search for the Epic Fail"





That's right. They were asking all sorts of question about you! Said they had been looking, but couldn't find you anywhere.

TrollHammer

Fermenting pile.of sheep dung.

lunakat

You mean.. yo mama?

TrollHammer

Naw, you. Yo mama stepped in it, now you're lamenting the day she pushed you out. Don't worry, though, with all that weight it all squished out the sides and not much stuck on to muck up the carpet.

lunakat

edit- at last!

lunakat

edit- thank the internet gods!

lunakat

edit- at last, I feel clever and cool again!

lunakat

(This was inspired by 'Epic Rap Battles of History.' Please read it aloud.)







I can see you're in trauma. You manufactured that drama

Cus you couldn’t accept the sorry truth about yo mama!

And go ahead- call me queer, but what you say to me here,

Is just the overwhelming result of yo brains squeezing out yo ears



See you went into shock; your brain exploded. It was overloaded.

It couldn’t handle what it knew and fled.

Anybody else in your situation would be dead.

Look- it’s your brains on the floor!

Your mind is weak; it can’t take anymore.

It’s bad enough knowing yo mama’s a (mmm)…!



But what she did with your uncle...? Ooo!

That's an act you owe your life to.

But what good does admitting it do?

You don’t have the simple mind left

Of Winnie the freakin' Pooh.



T-hammer, here’s the slammer: It’s a sad fact, but true.

You're just a monkey in the human zoo.

But this dis was epic… and I just owned you.

lunakat

Don't bother, Troll hammer- I've been dissed by the internet.
How much bad luck can one sad rapper get?
At first I couldn't load it- then it showed up four times!
And now I can't seem to edit or delete my rhymes.

Guess you win this round- but only by default
Cus my crappy broad band just brought me to a slammin halt.

lunakat

I'm back! I found a better connection.
Now get yourself ready- you're gonna need some protection.
Can you hit me back? I dare you!
You might try, but you won't make it.
If you don't... well, then I'll know it's cus
the little girl you are couldn't take it.

TrollHammer

I started some poetic justice of my own...



Then I found this, and it fits perfectly...



lunakat

Sure, babe- I understand. Pictures are so much easier than words, especially when you only have a second grade reading level. Smile



Someday you should go back and try to finish grammar school!



This might be simpler for you to grasp:



TrollHam I am, TrollHam, I am

Do you like Green Eggs and Ham?

Can you read? Can you say 'Damn!

Luna owned me cus she can!'

Goat_Biter

Hmm, this could be amusing.

Fortunately it only takes a second grade reading level to read your posts, Lunacat!
However, I was impressed that you knew a 4 syllable word. There is hope for you yet!

TrollHammer

Ah, the headless wonder decided to show up. Well, I guess you still have a head, but you aint using it for much.

lunakat

Quote:

Hmm, this could be amusing.

Fortunately it only takes a second grade reading level to read your posts, Lunacat!
However, I was impressed that you knew a 4 syllable word. There is hope for you yet!


Yes! I like to dumb it down for the rest of you.

Quote:
Ah, the headless wonder decided to show up. Well, I guess you still have a head, but you aint using it for much.

Anyone with a head is probably using it to make you feel insecure, de facto. It's understandable, considering that everyone else's head actually contains a brain.

TrollHammer

In your case a bird brain.

Goat_Biter

Fortunately it doesn't take a head or a brain to out wit you! I could pass gas that sounds more intelligent then you!

TrollHammer

Then have at it, windbag. Let out some more hot air!

lunakat

At least something's hot around here- it sure isn't your good looks.

Goat_Biter

Nor the breeze that blows continuously between your ears!

TrollHammer

Nope, its just the ashes of your pitiful insults going down in flames...

lunakat

I'd say I'm rubber, you're glue... but what's the point? Your insults fall so short, they couldn't bounce if they tried.

Goat_Biter

If only your father had used the rubber instead of making it...

Trollbabe

This thread should be posted as handicapped parking, 'cuz you're all lame.

Goat_Biter

We will make a special exception for the mentally handicapped and let you in.

lunakat

A special exception? You must be kidding yourself! When I saw you guys hanging out here, I thought this was the stop for the short bus!

Goat_Biter

Which is why you joined us, since you know quite well that you like to ride the short bus. We get cookies!

lunakat

I was sure you'd be impressed by my avatar, Goat Biter. Sesame Street seems right up your alley- considering that it's written for the kindergarden level.

Goat_Biter

I figured that it was simply a reflection of you being a bird brained imbecile.

TrollHammer

Well, I have to say that her lightweight, bird brained head is still attached to her body, though. Apparently either your's isn't or it's attached to your ass, judging by your avatar. Either way, it doesn't bode well.



I guess it's a good thing Luna's head is indeed still attached. She'd lose it otherwise. It's not a matter of remembering where she left it, it's more a matter that she can't figure out what it is for... much like a cockroach. Snip it off and it won't die until it starves to death. Chickens are much the same: there have been some that have had their noggen lopped off and it continued to live for quite some time, until it forgot how to swallow and choked to death. Seems like a fitting fate for Big Bird....

lunakat

Big talk for someone who represents themselves as a disconnected head carved out of an empty squash.

TrollHammer

Hey, now, I was expressing my creativity with a knife and fire. What does that say about a google-found, four color avatar?

Trollbabe

Your avatar contains no type, as you are functionally illiterate.

lunakat

I'd take no type over your type.

Goat_Biter

That is fortunate, because there is no type that would take you. Perfect fit!

TrollHammer

Speaking of fit, what was the thing you got your head stuck in and coulent get it out the other day? There have been so many times youve gotten stuck in railings, headboards, and whatnot it all kind of blurs together

lunakat

You're talking to 'Goat Biter,' right? Considering the moniker, I think the answer, tragically, is... yo mama's vagina


.. ouch!

TrollHammer

Sorry... Cant hear you. Yo mama makin too much noise next door with the village idiot!

lunakat

Stop talking about yourself in the third person- and stop playing around with my mama! (You know she's just taking pity on you!)

TrollHammer

I wouldn't touch yo mama. I hold my breath when I drive passed your house to keep from breathing the same air.



You really ought to move out of yo mama's house. That's just too much ugly for one house to withstand.

Goat_Biter

Lunakat, you had 101 days and that was the best come back you had? A yo mama joke? The fallback joke for the mentally disabled? Maybe you should have spent a little more time to get at least a part of an original thought into that thick skull of yours.

TrollHammer

You're one to talk. Your skull is sitting on a table beside you, detached from your body. That wasnt very smart of a prediament to get yourself into.

lunakat

Were the village idiots talking? I'm sorry- I wasn't paying close attention. Let's see...

101 days... really? That's impressive. I must have had so many better things to do.

Goat_Biter

That just goes to prove that you are so stupid, I can out think you after getting decapitated. Then again, I could probably crap out something that can out think you.

lunakat

Hey- did we lose a couple of posts here? Because I distinctly remember Trollhammer replied to this... rather crappily. And I told you both you were full of crap.

Goat_Biter

Isn't it obvious? Both of your posts were so pathetically retarded that the server had to get rid of them, or it would crash from the enormity of your stupidity.

TrollHammer

It could be the server is alergic to BS... and replies to BS... but then why are any posts here?

lunakat

If the server were allergic to B.S., I don't think you'd ever have been allowed to log on in the first place!

TrollHammer

I would have figured your username would have been rejected, but I guess computers aren't all-knowing, no matter if Google thinks it's got a corner on the market.



Oh, and if you google "lunakat", you get a picture of... YO MAMA!

Goat_Biter

Actually the first thing that pops up is a video of a cat stuck in a tree, and I wonder why you would associate a video of a pussy on a pole as being representative of someones mother.

TrollHammer

If you cant figure that one out yo mama didnt teach you very well, which is pretty bad concidering yoi grew up in a sleezy strip club yourself, with yo mama the highest paid employee there: customers would pay her to keep her clothes on!

lunakat

I think you both make exceptionally good points!

Goat_Biter

Ah, I believe I see your problem, you were thinking!

lunakat

Not in your repertoire?

Goat_Biter

Well lookie there, you used a big word! good job!

lunakat

I thought that would impress you.
(It takes so little.)

TrollHammer

Which is fortunate, since "little" is all you have.

lunakat

I didn't think we were dating.

TrollHammer

We aren't. In the romance department you'd be lucky to get anything of any size, shape, or material. You're so broke you can't even buy a pencil.

lunakat

Well, if I'm not stuck with you, I should be able to find something of at least average size.

You've the rules of dating all mixed. Probably due to extreme inexperience. See, I'm the girl- I shouldn't have to pay. Maybe if you'd ever taken a girl on a date in your life, you would understand. Tragically, no girl you've asked out has ever said 'yes.'

Rumor has it, it's your looks. Your looks, or, well... your pencil. I personally just think it's because you are so cheap. How do I know how cheap you are? I've seen you in action!

You are so cheap... you try to wash your paper plates. You're so cheap, I saw you try to use old candy wrappers to wrap your xmas gifts. (They were re-gifts.) You are so cheap, you put Scrooge to shame.

TrollHammer

You're so dumb AND cheap you try to refill empty Coke Zero cans for "Diet Pop"...



It wouldn't be so bad if you weren't fishing the cans out of the dumpster behind a strip club, or if you would use something a little cleaner than what you scoop out of pot holes after a rain storm to fill them with.

Goat_Biter

You are so dumb that you actually drank the cat piss that she was marketing as mountain dew, and she is so nasty that she prefers it over the original!

TrollHammer

It has to be said... you are both morons.

Goat_Biter

Your daddy beat you with a stupid stick, and I think a part broke off and got stuck in your brain.

TrollHammer

At least I have a brain to get something stuck in. Scientists are still trying to figure out if you have a mass of solid bone where your brain should be, or solid rock.... It is dense enough, and it would make you a literal 'living fossile'.

Goat_Biter

You make this entirely too easy when you go and misspell words when trying to insult me, you have to be really special to misspell "fossil" when you have auto correct!

SailorSilvanesti

You didn't just fall out of the Ugly Tree... you were gang-banged by the whole F_cking FOREST!

Goat_Biter

Hmm, has a screen name including the word "sailor", and very first post here mentions "gang bangs", for some reason I am not surprised. Were you running a train on the ugly tree while it was busy gang banging others?

SailorSilvanesti

>Sir, That...was honestly one of THE stupidest retorts I've ever heard... and I deal with internet trolls almost daily.<



I suppose it does not truly surprise me, that you would focus on the sexual aspect, considering with a name like "Goat Biter" and a provocatively placed animal carcass for an avatar... that you are, in fact, into Beastiality.

Sherlock Holmes would deduce no less... as it seems Elementary my Dear, Goat-Fucker.

Goat_Biter

Oh ho, so we have a new class of scum here? Well, since it is your pleasure to utilize profanity, allow me to say that you a scrotum faced, foul smelling, nausea inducing, venereal disease carrying, ill tempered, impotent, pygmy ass wiping douche waffle.

SailorSilvanesti

What are you, ten? Really?

Goat_Biter

Are you stalling for time to think up a come back? You don't have to actually write something down in order to give you time to think. In your case you should probably just hire someone to do it for you.

SailorSilvanesti

No, it's just your answer was excessively childish. In my last year of school, the Grades eights and nines used to say things like that... you know, where they'd interject the F word, C word or any form of swear as their every second or third word in a sentence to sound 'tough'?



Well, what they didn't realise was that the Seniors they were trying to impress often kept a straight face when walking past them only long enough to duck behind a building or wall and laugh their ass off.



Your answer was incessantly purile... therefore, the assumption you were younger than you claimed came to mind... which has happened before on EQ.com.

TrollHammer

*lets keep the gloves up, folks*



Quote:

You make this entirely too easy when you go and misspell words when trying to insult me, you have to be really special to misspell "fossil" when you have auto correct!



To be honest, it was a play on words... A combjnation of Fossil and Fissile, both discribing something dense. Obviously niether as dense as you...

Fresh meat I see! Or were you just slow in joining wits with the insult group... Or were you just slow?

Welcome! Lunakat and TrollBabe seem to be off licking their wounds, it was getting dull around here with just GoatBiter...

SailorSilvanesti

Hmmm? No, the computer merely locked out EQ.com as it thought it was an unsafe site -it was the spammers, when it detects spam, the computer tries to lock it out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



http://www.facebook.com/7horcruxes#!/photo.php?fbid=324271017645006&set=a.214746648597444.51626.179163082155801&type=1&theater

lunakat

Guys.... just a check. No profanity. (It's in the rules!)

lunakat

Say, I think a few of you might want to change your names.

I recommend "Sail'er Out Of Here"
"Go Bite Me"
and
"Troll Hammered"

because I don't see y'all bouncing back from any of this.

Goat_Biter

Not a bad idea actually, and since we are handing out name suggestions, you can be looney kat!

lunakat said

Say, I think a few of you might want to change your names.

I recommend "Sail'er Out Of Here"
"Go Bite Me"
and
"Troll Hammered"

because I don't see y'all bouncing back from any of this.

Trollbabe

Preservers invented webbing when they all wretched at the sight of you.

lunakat


Not a bad idea actually, and since we are handing out name suggestions, you can be looney kat!



Almost. Just call me 'Crazy like a Kat'... and be afraid. That should be easy for you. It's your middle name.

Goat_Biter

And here I thought that my middle name was Chupacabra.

lunakat said


Almost. Just call me 'Crazy like a Kat'... and be afraid. That should be easy for you. It's your middle name.

lunakat


And here I thought that my middle name was Chupacabra.



Well, you're certainly ugly enough to be one!

Goat_Biter

BE AFRAID! Actually I think that being a goat biter is better than being a goat sucker, that insinuates strange and disgusting things, such as you are used to doing.

lunakat said



Well, you're certainly ugly enough to be one!

Trollbabe

I won't even mention goat jerky.

Goat_Biter

Lol! It isn't the jerky that you need to worry about.


I won't even mention goat jerky.

lunakat


Lol! It isn't the jerky that you need to worry about.




No... It's the jerk.

TrollHammer

@luna:
With matters of the heart,
Im still in the dark.
As confused as any other,
To unravel makes me shudder.

Rhyming is not my thing,
But there is no help I can bring--
Except to engage in the simplest of acts
and hope you dont come after me with an axe.

You enjoy the occasional word
In which your reply is occasionally the bird.
So to brighten the day for you,
I offer an insult or two!



Your mother, it seems
has a problem with seams
her dress seems to rend
and the sight of some men.

Your father is due
To be free of the "Blue"
Perhaps he will be home soon,
Or find more women to persue?

Your computer is fraked
the files are not backed
so when you turn it off tonight
gone be, your files might!

Your car may leak oil and mark where it has been,
But this is the least of its problems, use the recycling bin!
For when you turn the key, a grinding loudly sounds.
And a rod seams to have come lose, flopping around.

But it doesnt stop there, as the car sounds like it should--
you might be embarrased and hide if you could.
But the spots that it leaves around marks your way
from each house in the hood you visit each day.

For now I am through
with my word or two.
Try as you might
you wont top this poem tonight!

lunakat

I have been insulted
by an arrogant rhyme
so I'm taking the time
to unburden my mind
and respond in kind

And no, I didn't bother
to top it that night
But now that I'm back
watch me do this thing right.

Let's start with the basics- Yo mama's a ho
Yeah, that we all know
But how low will she go?
Well she gave birth to you...
but that ain't the worst of it, boo

You'll have to ask her brother,
'cus you weren't there
Yo mama saw a sign that said 'boyz ii men'
and thought she was dropping you off at day care.

Twenty years later, she came back to the concert to get you
But when she hit the gate at the Amphitheater,
She was just too fat to get through

Yo mama's so fat, she was declared a landmark on the spot
No wonder your "uncle" thought yo mama was hot
He's always been fond of ships; He was in the navy.
Did they ever tell you that Shamu was their second baby?

He had to roll her in flour, just to make it to the wet spot
Yeah, yo mama is dumb- but yo uncle is not
He's just old and nasty- a relic of a past time
Gave yo mama that computer you use
Thought an 8-bit Atari was top of the line.

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