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The Viking Spam House

TrollHammer

This is the S.P.A.M. Group lounge. Serving up spam the way you want it.... Here's the menu if you need some ideas...



Spam

Spam and eggs

Spam, ham and eggs

Spam, ham, eggs and spam

Beans, spam, eggs and spam

Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, eggs and spam.

Steak, eggs, hashbrowns, spam and toast.

Spam and coffee

Boiled spam

Fried spam

Deep fried spam

Broiled spam

Charbroiled spam

Spam with beer battered carrot slices

Spam and beer

The "Poor Chef" (Spam, instant mac n cheese, instant potatoes, and microwave burritos)

Spam sushi

Spamgetti

Lemon Curry



All dishes come with your choice of iced water or dish water.

Soft drinks come with infinite free refills, but the glass costs an arm and a leg. An arm to lift it and a knee to slap.

cometduster

What about Turkey Spam for people that have allergies?LOL

Crucent

I IZ VIKING, GIMME FISH SPAM! also, hi.^^

TrollHammer

One order Turkey Spam, One order Fish Spam. You want Iced water or Dish water with that?



We also serve Mead from Bonair Winery, we bought out the last bit of their stock in '05....



*The Spam song is playing in the background, wildlife can be seen playing outside through the bay windows*

Crucent

Mead all the way.

TrollHammer

Would you like reg mead or spiced?

cometduster

Oooo....Spiced mead *Please*

Crucent

Regular for me, if it was good enough for Odin, it's good enough for me!







(disclaimer: this persona im writing out is Crucent, as a viking i.e. boistrous and loud, I'll try to let her not get to obnoctious^^)

TrollHammer

*Sets a flagon of mead in front of Crucent and Cometduster.*

House plunder special! If you can drink the whole thing, stay a half hour for it to take effect, and still make a break for it, its free! Sounds easy til you realize theres over a bottle and a half in there...

TrollHammer

Obnoxious is welcome here! Let the Viking out all ye!

cometduster

*Gulp**Gulp*........*Buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrp*....Ahhhh!!!! O.K. Still some more in there...*Gulp**Gulp**Gulp* *Allllllllllllll moooooooost goooooooone*(in burp form) *HEHEHE* hey Trrrooolllllhhaammmmmmeeeeerrr come herre closssserrr I need tooo wwiissspper it tooo yoouuu.*Burp*(in your ear)HAHAHA dididiiiid annnyone ttttell yooouu yooouuu looooooook ppprrretttty greeeen.*And then falls off chair*.

TrollHammer

*Waiting to see if she wakes up in a half hour...*

Crucent

okay, im game!

*gulps down the entire thing *



....



*smacks lips appreciatively* Now thats what im talking about, some REAL drink.

*smiles at TrollHammer*
A plate of Spam and eggs please. I'm feeling peckish.

TrollHammer

Spam and eggs coming right up!

Word of advice, probibly shoulda had the food BEFORE drinking such potent drink... You want a side of toast with that?

*Looks over at cometduster's sleepimg form and slips a bill onto her chair, not that its her worry, we only accept monopoly money, girly giggles, and plunder here....*

Anyone raided any ports or towns lately?

Crucent

Naah, been busy with the Yuletide and the blot associated with it, other then that there's not been much going on.

TrollHammer

I forgot to ask how you wanted your eggs. Default is scrambled here, but I can take em back if you want...

*Sets a steaming plate of Spam and eggs in front of Crucient*

I plundered the whole christmas theme, threw in some EQ, and hit 'puree'... I think i gave Santa some secret indigestion.... That wasnt Egg Nog santa...

Anyway, I have my sights on the Easter Bunny in the next couple of months... May have to add "Spam and Jelly Beans" to the menu...

Speaking of which, I need to update the menu with pictures and pricing, as well as the Mead. It will be a couple days, mayhaps...

Anything need to be added as well?

cometduster

Man I have a smashing headach....OK need food!!! *Troolhamme...Can I get some Steak, eggs, hashbrowns, spam and toast I starved....How long was I out for?

TrollHammer

All night! Mead's good for a lot of things! Just so happen to have most of that already on the grill... Itll be a few moments...

*Goes to the back.... Comes back five minutes later with a platter*

here ya go! Have any good dreams?

cometduster

I don't think they were good but it was where I was hunting and I had sight of my pray and all of asudend It was after me, and the embarasing prat was it was a squarrel had the biggest teeth I have ever seen.....Just not so good.....But atleast I can laugh at it....Aw man this is awsome*chowing the food at the same time* OH here is my money for the bill and then some....

TrollHammer

Ahhh, tips arent necessary, your patronage is plenty good enough!

I wouldnt let the dream get you too down, there was this one rabbit that took out half of king arthors men...

Ive had dreams of being pursued but the one I am chasing, but I havent figured out if they were a product of three stars thai food or what... Mead can have some interesting effects too.

We could start a raiding fund, though. Vent some frustrations over dreams? We could go though and pester some other groups or something? I know of this bar...

Tonia

*walks in* "Spam and Beer! My good man" *sits down next to cometduster*

cometduster

jasonia How in the puckernut are you? I haven't see you in a while, What have you been up to? Have you been stirring up any trouble? Well Trollhammer was just saying we need to pester some other groups or something.....So Trollhammer whats on your agenda of places? *Gulps down some mead and wipes face with arm*

TrollHammer

Order of Spam and Beer coming up! Would you like that beer as a draft or a milkshake?

Going to be adding Spam Vindaloo soon, as soon as i am sure of the spelling...

Well... Beings as Im half Norse Troll on my mothers side, Im more partial to jumping into the fray without much of a plan... That said, I feel that it would be.... Poetic for the Vikings to raid a pirate ship...

We could board the TnL Cantina, or get some party crashing experience first... Whaddya think?

*Speaking over the kitchen bar window as I try making up a Spam Curry recipie*

Tonia

ahh cometduster trouble follows me where ever I go. Not that I mind seeings how I cause it most of them heh heh



draft please TrollHammer and I say after my Spam n Beer we raid on

Tonia

ahh cometduster trouble seems to follow me where ever I go, but I dont mind seeings how I cause it most of the time heh heh



Draft TrollHammer and I say after my Spam and Beer we raid on

TrollHammer

Ok, (Opening a thread over there... ) Raiding party ready?

TrollHammer

Ok, Docking complete! Follow me through the Hyperlink!



The Viking Raiding Hyperlink Doorway to the TnL TARDIS



Raid will be conducted by those that wish to from whatever side they want to play. Posts will take the form of freestyle Roll Play (what you say is in quotes or regular type, *actions are in stars*)



WHHOOHOOO!!!!

TrollHammer

Oh, and here's your Spam and Beer, Jasona, Here, the beer comes in flagons.... Half gallon flagons... Enjoy all....



A free flagon of beer for all that follow me through the Hyperlink Doorway!

RedheadEmber

Can I have some SPAM, coffee, SPAM, SPAM, egg, SPAM, bread 'n butter, SPAM and SPAAAAM???

TrollHammer

Tall order, but no problem... Sesseee here... Coffee.... Coffeee...

Oh, here it is, i had a couple cases of mead in front of it. You want that sweetened or black?

*Mutters to self about using mead as a coffee sweetener*

TrollHammer

Now that Ive found the coffee.....

Today's Special! Free coffee and cinnamon french toast with any order of Spam!

Heres your order, Red!

Any suggestions for the next place to hit after the raid on the TnL cantina is finished?

RedheadEmber

THE ENTIRE WOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!











Or is that overdoing it slightly?

TrollHammer

Which one?

cometduster

*OK need some spam and Mead*.....*Where can I put the twins for now there giving me a headache*...Got some jewels and a sward.

TrollHammer

Um... Kidnapping? I thought we were pillaging supplies?

This might get interesting.....

Ok, Spam and Mead! You want your free coffee and french toast with that?

cometduster

*Open the bag thinking there where some cubs in there and there where some pigs crying* *Sailor switched the bag with out me knowing* *Hammer you need to remember to put up the hyper-link so we can get out faster*....*I'm dazed from being hit in the head with a frying pan and my A** hurts she shot me with an arrow*...*But I do have her sward and jewels*.....*The cubs would have come in handy for our crew the powers they have are very strong*....

Crucent

err what? i am gone a few days and you have raided?

TrollHammer

Yeah, sorry! Im going to go check on it in a moment to see if we are all out and whatnot. Go back to page 2 about three posts from the bottom and there should be a Hyperlink Gateway to the raid. We will probivly raid a few other groups and threads and hopefully get the hang of things...

Fresh from the pillaging! We now have a stockpile of Rum from the TnL, so if anyone has some pirate in ye, order up!

I need to get the new signs up for the menu, unless someone else wants to do it?

Any new news, or orders? Special today is teriyaki Spam!

cometduster

O.K. Give me a bottle of rum and some Spam casserole to with it, So where are we going next...I'll get it right this time Hammer...

TrollHammer

*From the kitchen, while working on putting together Cometduster's order*



well, thats up for suggestions... For some reason the Hyperlink Constructor only works business hours monday through friday, so unless someone has an idea in the next... Twenty hours, ittl have to wait til next week. Any particular thoughts?



Edit: New portable Hyperlink Constructor is semi-operational, semi-full time.

TrollHammer

Well, we could load up a spinner with the following groups, unless one jumps out at someone....

Elfquest Dollers (though i dont see what we would do with a bunch of dolls)

the AWESOME group, in which we can take their awesomeness.

The main forums (but Id suggest we wait for more experience)

the battlefield (but there is nothing of value there, but we could cause havoc)

the troll caves.... Um, nevermind, forget i mentioned that one.

Hmm... I forgot the others for the moment. Any interest on those?

TrollHammer

Well, while we are thinking about that, I found the ruins of an ancient Elvin civilization we can scout out for various treasure. It appears to be an abandoned settlement that was fairly short lived, and secretive, but perhaps they left behind something of value, or at the very least we can rustle up some trouble in the graveyard...

Establishing Hyperlink Gateway using new portable Hyperlinking system.... Stand by!

Enter to the ruins of an ancient Holt

It may be that membership be required... As I said they were a secretive lot with a lot of infighting.... No need to go, i may wander around myself, though...

Now, lets see if that Gateway works....

TrollHammer

I return to find the Spam House empty....



Unpaid checks, leftover food, burned out candles are scattered here, there, everywhere, somewhere, nowhere....



All the Mead is gone...



The spam untouched...



"What just happened? Did I say something? Health department close us down?" I say to the empty room, the dark, forboding sky outside adding to the gloom of the moment.

TrollHammer

Was it something I said?

*sniffs the air*

...is something burning?

Trollbabe

"Civilization"? "Treasure"? "Something of value"?



We're talking about Elves here??

TrollHammer

Well, it was a possibility, as it stated something about a palace... But that semi secret society seems to have torn itself apart due to petty infighting. Seems to be a common theme in the world. I gave up looking around for stuff, though, kinda made me mad a little...

Any ideas for something else to do? Would you like a drink or something?

cometduster

"I'm back from my vacation now!!!!" I say as a tumble weed rolls by...."I'm gone for a short time and everything falls apart" "Hammer""Hammer" What happened to everyone?

TrollHammer

I dunno... I was wondering the same thing! Thought the scorching spam made everyone think the place was burning down.

How was your vacation? Do anything fun?

*Dumps the old frying pan in the washer and pulls out a fresh one*

what would you like? On the house!

cometduster

Hmmmm how about corned spam and cabbage with some boiled potatoes sense it's St.Pattys day.....I've been thinking about who to raid How about raising a little ruckus in the Doll thread....*Laughing* that could be fun....Oh yah Rum to please!!!

TrollHammer

Hmm... That could be interesting.... The doll thread or the doll group?

Here ya go, lass... You're mornin grub, and green rum for the day...

*Looks at clothes* uh... I be havin a question... Do Trolls need to be wearin' green to not be pinched?

Trollbabe

Everything we wear eventually turns green.

TrollHammer

*turns on the lights* Hey, whaddaya know, you're right!



Sorry about not jumping on setting up a Hyperlink for raiding the Dolls... Had a catastophic S.M.E.F. occur with my phone last week, and the new one should be in later this week. Again, I'm wondering if the group was meant or the Fanart thread in the main forum... Would you mind leading the charge into the mayhem?

Trollbabe

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! TURN OFF THAT LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TrollHammer

*Breaks the bulb, feeling slightly better*

Hows that?

Can I get you anything? We are still running the st patty's day special, with shamrock shaped spam!

TrollHammer

*surveys the smoldering ashes of the former Viking Spam House.

Seems that someone left a can of spam on the grill. And the grill turned on high....

Flaming Spam grease sure seems to spread fast.

Fortunatly no one got hurt.

Now.all that is left is to ask the question: Do I rebuild?

TrollHammer

Hmm.... Lets see here...

I have the slightly melted remains of the Hyperlink Generator (which now looks like a Wurlitzer with its slightly rounded shapes and clear tubes of coolant flowing)...

My Linear Braclet...

And my Singleship. As well as a large amount of charcoal and burned Spam.

If I only had one other piece, I might be able to go back and restore the Spam House to its origional glory!

Anyone know where I can find an unused TARDIS laying around?

Or would it be worth a few more adventures?

Embala

A real one? Wink ... or the Forum Tardis?

TrollHammer

Embala said

A real one? Wink ... or the Forum Tardis?



Er.. "Yes?"

I mean a Tardis is a Tardis, whether its being flown by a crazy Doctor or Captain, or a deranged Master or whoever...

Perhaps even a cracked Troll?

But anyway, any ol Tardis someone has laying around ought to do.

TrollHammer

Where did I put that sonic screwdriver?

And who has been feeding Spam to the Ood?

TrollHammer

(stolen, just because I was told not to, and I took it as a personal challenge):