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[Feedback] Three Little Elflings (Fanfiction)

Tenderfoot

Okay... so how does one start any of this? I don't really want to be the first one, but seeing as no one else have requested help and I am eager to continue this story... *sighs*



(Working) Title: Three Little Elflings

Fandom: Lord of the Rings

(Working) Genre: Friendship and Adventure



(it's a gift story for my beta reader on FFN - 'tis why she can't help me. And also why it's a stupid idea, just something to make her happy)



Shortly put, the Fellowship is about one week into their journey and it's somewhat of an AU from there. They stumble upon Aragorn's elven brother, Elladan, who has somehow been transformed to a small child and is captured by orcs (around 7 years old). When they try to rescue his twin Elrohir (also a small child), whatever happened to them also befalls Legolas - and the Fellowship is stuck with three elven children. They must decide what to do with them: take them back to Rivendell, let someone take them back while the rest continue, or bring them on the journey. In the end, they end up taking the children with them in hopes they will find somewhere safe to leave them (or turn them back to adults as they need full number). The story will revolve around the children and take up themes such as angst, guilt, innocence, understanding of elves, and the struggle to fit in and find your place.



My problem with this story is just writing it; I'm not satisfied with anything I write and though I keep telling myself that correcting can wait until later, it doesn't help. I'm not able to write any further before I am satisfied with what I already have. I do tend to write things chronologically, you see...



When you read my story, I would like for you to:

- 'evaluate' the flow of my writing and the way my sentences are written.

- suggest more stuff to put in before and after already written paragraphs

- point out unnecessary information or words or anything else that might catch your eye

- 'listen to' the lines (I feel they do not sound real)

- suggest. a. better. title. (dies of shame) (I've been thinking of simply Innocence...)

- direct me in case of OOC'ness (Out-Of-Character), if possible

- tell me what to do with the action scenes - I suck at making those



I have no problems with critique - say you hate it, flame it, wish for your eyes to be stabbed out - I am open for anything. And I highly doubt you can say worse than I have already heard.

Tenderfoot

(HAVE IN MIND THAT THIS IS UNFINISHED)



“Are we there yet?”



Aragorn fought to resist rolling his eyes at the umpteenth time the question was voiced from somewhere behind him. A shared wild look with Boromir told him the other Man felt the same way. Boromir’s hand clutched a small, semi-bare, broken-off branch he had picked up when they first heard the question, and with each time it was asked, he would grind his teeth and peel off a piece of bark in silence. Were they to continue on this rate, he would soon have to find himself another stick, Aragorn thought.



He wondered if he should just continue the way he had since they started walking again, and simply ignore the annoying, endlessly repeated question, or just pelt an apple at the hobbit. Maybe if he pretended not to have heard the question, it would go away? It would be futile around hobbits, he knew, but it had oft proved to work when he roamed the wilds as a ranger. He cast a quick glance over his shoulder at the rest of the group and found Gimli trailing right behind them and staring straight ahead.



The dwarf was stalking after them with longer strides than necessary that did little to increase his pace, but was great for making his short legs seem even shorter. In his right hand he gripped his trustworthy axe, sharpened this very morning in an almost touchable irritated silence. Add the dark looks thrown in the hobbits’ way, and one needed not wonder for long why there were twin twitches of the dwarf’s eye and axe as soon as the question rose from behind. His jaw muscles seemed to work furiously under the thick mass of beard and he refused to look Aragorn in the eye, choosing instead to stalk onward and tighten his grip on the axe with each word that left the hobbit’s mouth.



After Gimli came Gandalf, who had gathered the hobbits around him like a mother duck would her ducklings. And taking up the rear of their group was Legolas the Elf who, with his sharp eyes and keen senses, was so high above the rest according to everyone else but himself, though for the moment he looked sorely tempted to trade eardrums with any other being in their company. He winced as the question once again drifted past his sensitive ears and when Aragorn raised his eyebrows in an asking manner, Legolas threw a helpless glance in the human’s direction. Aragorn could only shrug sympathetically as he turned his attention forward again, hoping against hope that anything, be it orcs or spiders or wargs or simply anything would interrupt the constant chattering from behind. He would gladly take a cave troll over this any day!



One other in their company seemed to have tired too, for once the question had been repeated three times in one exhalation, the fourth attempt was interrupted by a heaving sigh and a grumbling harrumph. “Pippin,” Gandalf’s voice sounded from behind, and Aragorn could easily picture him grip his knotty staff tighter in annoyance, as he had done so many times when Aragorn himself had been younger, and offer said hobbit a hard glance as they walked. “If I have told you once, I have told you countless times; we will stop once we find a place safe enough for stopping.”



Aragorn cast another glance over his shoulder to see Pippin slump his shoulders in defeat and pocket his hands and slow down enough to allow Merry to pass him and take the front right spot next to the wizard. For long the hobbit was silent, eyes trailing the ground they walked on before gradually moving upwards to the many bushes, the rocks, the trees off the trail. Something in his mind clicked and Pippin almost stopped, but when Frodo nearly walked right into him and Sam indignantly started on one of his you-do-not-help-Mr.-Frodo-by-doing-this-or-that speeches, he was forced to move forward again, though his eyes never left the trees. Trees meant shelter. Shelter meant safety. Safety meant… a stop? He chanced it.



“Are we there yet?”



This time it was Merry who wore the wild look on his face. He stopped and turned to wait for his cousin and once Pippin reached his side, he softened his voice to the manner with which one spoke to a very small child. “Pippin, let me try and put it differently for you,” he said, and Pippin gazed at him with wondering eyes that a moment later clamped shut at the loud and surprisingly harsh “No!” from Merry. “We’re not there yet,” the older hobbit spat and Pippin’s shoulders sagged. With another hard look, Merry turned to resume walking, but found himself pausing as something came to mind. When he started walking again he added, as an afterthought, “Wherever there is”.



That brought the smile back to Pippin’s face, along with the mischievous glint in his eyes he was so known for. He stifled a giggle and jogged up to Merry’s left side, leaning forward and whispering into his ear. “Are we there yet?”



Aragorn could no longer fight the urge to roll his eyes when the youngest hobbit yowled in pain.



~*~



They had been going on for another hour or so, thankfully in silence as Frodo had volunteered to walk with Pippin and the youngest hobbit dared not upset the older cousin he had hero-worshipped since birth.



Aragorn and Boromir were still at the front and the rest trailed behind in a neat line, Sam right behind Merry who was basically at Gimli’s heels, Gandalf a few steps behind the oldest and youngest hobbits, and Legolas at the back and scouting behind and around them. They had descended a steep, winding hill and just ascended another and were walking on a stony path when Aragorn next turned to look over the group and found the Elf lagging behind.



Probably just taking his time with scouting, he decided. He continued on alongside Boromir for another hundred meters before he turned again, finding the Elf to have stopped completely a few yards back and staring intently at the trees at their right. Aragorn paused then and called to him, in Elven. “What is it?”



Boromir had ceased to walk the moment Aragorn disappeared from his side and the humans’ stop, along with Aragorn’s question in the Elven tongue, brought the entire Fellowship to a halt. The ranger ignored the questioning look Boromir sent him, waiting for the Elf to answer. Gimli and the hobbits were unaware of the cause of his question and kept their eyes on him, save Frodo and Gandalf, who with their knowledge of the Elven tongue also turned to look at the Elf behind them.



There had only been a vague breeze following them, but now the wind picked up and took on an icy chill. Legolas’ golden hair whipped about his head as he turned to the Fellowship and gazed intently at Aragorn with a confuzzled expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and glanced at the forest once more.



Pippin, being who he was, did not sense the tension that had seeped in between the trees and shrouded the Fellowship in a cloak of uncertainty. He only felt the wind grow steadily colder and knew he was hungry, and as he glanced up at the tall members of the group and looked to and fro between them, he also remembered what Gandalf earlier had said about stopping. “Are we there yet?”



Something in Aragorn’s mind snapped. So did Boromir’s now bark free branch and both men whirled on the hobbit to shout at him and tell him to cease his pestering, when a sudden scream rent the air. A moment later found the hobbits cowering by Gandalf’s side and the wizard, Gimli, Aragorn and Boromir eying their surroundings with badly hidden fear. Legolas’ sight was set on the trees to their right, one delicate hand flexing its slender fingers at his side as he debated whether to reach for his bow or not.



Pippin peeked out from behind the grey robes of Gandalf, hands still clutching the wizard and one of the other hobbits, he was not sure who he had grabbed when they bolted to safety. “What… was that?” he squeaked.



Silence stretched between them and blood ran cold in Aragorn’s veins as Legolas turned to him with large eyes, and he saw a spark of unwanted understanding, a flash of worry go through them. A flicker of terror.



The horrifying scream was soon followed by another, one that ended far too abruptly. Legolas’ head whipped towards the sound, back to Aragorn, to the forest and to Aragorn again. For a fraction of a second, blue eyes locked with grey. Then the Elf dashed to the side and disappeared between the trees.



Aragorn swore, but was off at an instant later. Cries erupted from behind, but he cared not for them as he dived in between the slim tree trunks. They would follow, he knew.

SailorSilvanesti

For. The. Love. Of. the. High Ones and the WIZARDGODDESS, FINISH THIS STORY I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!!



~SS~



Bear in mind I may appear in your room at midnight with my creepy face on, and force you to write it if the anticipation meter gets too high...

Squirrel

" Aragorn fought to resist rolling his eyes at the umpteenth time the question was voiced from somewhere behind him. A shared wild look with Boromir told him the other Man felt the same way. Boromir’s hand clutched a small, semi-bare, broken-off branch he had picked up when they first heard the question, and with each time it was asked, he would grind his teeth and peel off a piece of bark in silence. Were they to continue on this rate, he would soon have to find himself another stick, Aragorn thought. "

I *love* the beginning of "Are we there yet?" So like Pippin! But with this paragraph, I have a question and a suggestion. 1) Is "Man" supposed to be capitalized? and 2) You would not say, "Aragorn thought" there at the end of the paragraph, because it is not necessary. Try reading the piece out loud to yourself to see how it sounds without it. Does it still make sense?

" The dwarf was stalking after them with longer strides than necessary that did little to increase his pace, but was great for making his short legs seem even shorter. In his right hand he gripped his trustworthy axe, sharpened this very morning in an almost touchable irritated silence. Add the dark looks thrown in the hobbits’ way, and one needed not wonder for long why there were twin twitches of the dwarf’s eye and axe as soon as the question rose from behind. His jaw muscles seemed to work furiously under the thick mass of beard and he refused to look Aragorn in the eye, choosing instead to stalk onward and tighten his grip on the axe with each word that left the hobbit’s mouth. "

LOVE this paragraph (and the one before it). I'd change nothing here. Your style is fluid and your handle on the characters is solid.

" After Gimli came Gandalf, who had gathered the hobbits around him like a mother duck would her ducklings. And taking up the rear of their group was Legolas the Elf who, with his sharp eyes and keen senses, was so high above the rest according to everyone else but himself, though for the moment he looked sorely tempted to trade eardrums with any other being in their company. He winced as the question once again drifted past his sensitive ears and when Aragorn raised his eyebrows in an asking manner, Legolas threw a helpless glance in the human’s direction. Aragorn could only shrug sympathetically as he turned his attention forward again, hoping against hope that anything, be it orcs or spiders or wargs or simply anything would interrupt the constant chattering from behind. He would gladly take a cave troll over this any day! "

^While engaging in its humour, I sense a tiny bit of "info dump" here about Legolas. Is it truly necessary to remind us of his keen senses? I'm assuming your audience has read LoTR, and they would know this. However, if you are working with Tolkien's style, it fits in his "long-winded" way. I just found this bit of info about Legolas unnecessary and it took me out of the narrative a bit.

" One other in their company seemed to have tired too, for once the question had been repeated three times in one exhalation, the fourth attempt was interrupted by a heaving sigh and a grumbling harrumph. “Pippin,” Gandalf’s voice sounded from behind, and Aragorn could easily picture him grip his knotty staff tighter in annoyance, as he had done so many times when Aragorn himself had been younger, and offer said hobbit a hard glance as they walked. “If I have told you once, I have told you countless times; we will stop once we find a place safe enough for stopping.” "

^Perfectly Gandalf! Change nothing. (I could even hear the grey wizard's voice in my mind while reading. Excellent!) In fact, the next couple of paragraphs I have nothing but praise for.

" Aragorn could no longer fight the urge to roll his eyes when the youngest hobbit yowled in pain.

~*~

They had been going on for another hour or so, thankfully in silence as Frodo had volunteered to walk with Pippin and the youngest hobbit dared not upset the older cousin he had hero-worshipped since birth. "

^Two things here. 1) when I see a symbol like this in writing ( ~*~), it tells me the author is uncomfortable with transitions. Since you need no symbol there for it to flow fluidly from one paragraph to the next, and only a few hours have past, don't use it. I tried reading your story without this marker, and it flows perfectly well. 2) again more info dump. If we've read LoTR, we know Pippin is young, and very much like this. You don't need to explain why he acts this way. You might just let him act. I guess I'm saying that you already "show" this, so you don't need to "tell" it.

" There had only been a vague breeze following them, but now the wind picked up and took on an icy chill. Legolas’ golden hair whipped about his head as he turned to the Fellowship and gazed intently at Aragorn with a confuzzled expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and glanced at the forest once more. "

^Hrm. I'm loving everything I'm NOT commenting on (from now on), so don't get nervous. But "confuzzled" is slang and really doesn't work with your style. I'd use "confused" instead? I don't know about this one, but the word just really stuck out to me.

" A moment later found the hobbits cowering by Gandalf’s side and the wizard, Gimli, Aragorn and Boromir eying their surroundings with badly hidden fear. "

^"Eyeing" has another 'e'.

" Legolas’ sight was set on the trees to their right, one delicate hand flexing its slender fingers at his side as he debated whether to reach for his bow or not. "

^Legolas as I remember him would not debate against the bow. He'd have it drawn already in my mind, but might debate about whether to shoot. Legolas is like liquid when it comes to instinct. This ONE, SHORT bit was out of character.

" he was not sure who he had grabbed when they bolted to safety. "

^ Um ... when did they bolt to safety? When did this happen? Did I miss it? Do you need them to 'bolt to safety", or is it better to let that tension you've built linger on the readers' palate by keeping the hobbits frozen to the spot? I'd prefer the latter, because we are left waiting for them to follow ...

Everything here is good enough to be passable. I had to get out my nitpicking hat to really have much to say about it. It's great work! Please do keep writing this; I can't wait to see how it ends! Your style and language are excellent. Your obvious knowledge of LoTR is astounding and pulls the story together into something believable. Awesome job! I am impressed!

Squirrel

Oh, and I'm sorry I can't help you with a title until I've read the whole thing. I just know it should be something that ties the end and beginning together without giving too much away. Having not see the ending, I'm at a loss here ...
XD

Startear

Squirrel took most of what I was going to adress. Laugh

I'll admit that I haven't read the book or seen the movies in a while,nbut I was under the impression that Gandlaf used the full names at this time of the journey. Instead of Sam, he used Samwise, Muntiadok instead of Merry and Peregrine. If annoys he'd use surname as well.

As for title, I think yours work for now at least. I always need to finish my writings to get the perfect title.

SailorSilvanesti

*Merriadoc actually.



For a Title, how about... Immortal Sands?



Like, the sands of time slipping through their hands, as they are reversing in age?



Ignore me, thinking is hard when it's late...

Tenderfoot

*shuffles in and guiltily looks up* There's no good excuse for me to show up a month late for replies... other than that real life has been shit and I just didn't feel like doing anything. Like replying here. But I read the replies as soon as I got them, and they really made me happy, which now makes me really sad because I didn't answer you sooner... uhm, I'll just shut up now.



Quote:


For. The. Love. Of. the. High Ones and the WIZARDGODDESS, FINISH THIS STORY I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!!



~SS~





*blinks* You... really think it's that good? *scratches head* Well, I guess I'll have no choice then, but to continue... Smile



Quote:


Bear in mind I may appear in your room at midnight with my creepy face on, and force you to write it if the anticipation meter gets too high...





*backs away slowly and pulls blanket over head* Nooo, don't do that... I might get a heart attack, you know, and then I'll never be able to finish it! Right? ... right? *blanket is torn off* Oh, crap.



Quote:


I *love* the beginning of "Are we there yet?" So like Pippin! But with this paragraph, I have a question and a suggestion. 1) Is "Man" supposed to be capitalized? and 2) You would not say, "Aragorn thought" there at the end of the paragraph, because it is not necessary. Try reading the piece out loud to yourself to see how it sounds without it. Does it still make sense?





The beginning is actually what I like the most myself, so I'm glad you found it okay too Smile As for your questions:

1) In most stories I have read on FFN, "Man" is often capitalized, as is "Elf" and "Hobbit", and sometimes "Dwarf" too. I don't know why, it seemed fitting when I first wrote it, but now that I re-read it... do you think I should change it? Because I will if you think it would be better with just "man".

2) *nods* I totally agree with you on that one. I'll change it immediately!



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LOVE this paragraph (and the one before it). I'd change nothing here. Your style is fluid and your handle on the characters is solid.





*blushes* It's not that good... but again, it makes me happy, and when I'm happy, I usually write better Smile So I thank thee!



Quote:


^While engaging in its humour, I sense a tiny bit of "info dump" here about Legolas. Is it truly necessary to remind us of his keen senses? I'm assuming your audience has read LoTR, and they would know this. However, if you are working with Tolkien's style, it fits in his "long-winded" way. I just found this bit of info about Legolas unnecessary and it took me out of the narrative a bit.





*shrugs* It was only a try on Tolkien's style, but I wasn't too satisfied with it myself. I think I just wrote something to fill in space, but it does seem a bit... exaggerated? I'll remove that part, I think. Each paragraph doesn't have to be equally long, right?



Quote:


^Perfectly Gandalf! Change nothing. (I could even hear the grey wizard's voice in my mind while reading. Excellent!) In fact, the next couple of paragraphs I have nothing but praise for.





Oh, now you're really making me blush! My head looks like an overgrown tomato! With tiny onion ears on the side, and a little carrot nose and... chive hair?



Quote:


^Two things here. 1) when I see a symbol like this in writing ( ~*~), it tells me the author is uncomfortable with transitions. Since you need no symbol there for it to flow fluidly from one paragraph to the next, and only a few hours have past, don't use it. I tried reading your story without this marker, and it flows perfectly well. 2) again more info dump. If we've read LoTR, we know Pippin is young, and very much like this. You don't need to explain why he acts this way. You might just let him act. I guess I'm saying that you already "show" this, so you don't need to "tell" it.





1) YES! I really am uncomfortable with transitions! I hate 'em, absolutely hate 'em! And I've read enough stories without any kind of symbol to show me it's a new paragraph, to have learned to always insert one myself. I've always done it just so that readers won't get confused, as I have too often been. But if you're absolutely sure I won't need it... I guess it'll have to go too.

2) *scratches head* Not quite sure I understood that... you mean I don't need to include 'the youngest hobbit dared not upset the older cousin he had hero-worshipped since birth'? Or something else? It just seemed fitting at the time...



Quote:


^Hrm. I'm loving everything I'm NOT commenting on (from now on), so don't get nervous. But "confuzzled" is slang and really doesn't work with your style. I'd use "confused" instead? I don't know about this one, but the word just really stuck out to me.





*squirms in chair* Urrr... I like the word, I really like the word... but you might be right about it not fitting. Slang, you say? Maybe that's why I didn't find a translation in my book...



Quote:


^"Eyeing" has another 'e'.





*falls to knees and starts worshipping* THANK YOU!!! This is just what I need! Corrections, corrections, corrections!!!



Quote:


^Legolas as I remember him would not debate against the bow. He'd have it drawn already in my mind, but might debate about whether to shoot. Legolas is like liquid when it comes to instinct. This ONE, SHORT bit was out of character.





*nods* Just this tiny little comment has made me change lots of things for the plot line of this story, and made me frown at other stories and really see out-of-character-ness. Really, it just made me think and go all "Hey, you're right! They wouldn't act like that, but like this! So then they should-" and on and on and on. THANK YOU!!!



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^ Um ... when did they bolt to safety? When did this happen? Did I miss it? Do you need them to 'bolt to safety", or is it better to let that tension you've built linger on the readers' palate by keeping the hobbits frozen to the spot? I'd prefer the latter, because we are left waiting for them to follow ...





*slaps self* I meant for the hobbits to have dived to the safety that was Gandalf, but I do see that I managed to erase one of those sentences and actually write something else than intended further up... *bangs head on table* I should really stop writing at 11 pm... but I see your point and I like you suggestion. I really like it. I think I'll steal it. *snatches idea and runs off* IT'S MINE!!!



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Everything here is good enough to be passable. I had to get out my nitpicking hat to really have much to say about it.





Really? You mean that? *glomps* Aw, such comments always make me happy!



Quote:


It's great work! Please do keep writing this; I can't wait to see how it ends! Your style and language are excellent. Your obvious knowledge of LoTR is astounding and pulls the story together into something believable. Awesome job! I am impressed!





... what can I possibly say (or write) to express my gratitude and happiness for these words of yours? It's one of the best replies I've ever gotten, and though I've said it before, I'll say it again: It really makes me happy, really, really happy! ^^ Thank you, Squirrel, thank you!



Quote:


Oh, and I'm sorry I can't help you with a title until I've read the whole thing. I just know it should be something that ties the end and beginning together without giving too much away. Having not see the ending, I'm at a loss here ...

XD





No prob ^^ I highly agree, and wonder if I have actually found something...



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Squirrel took most of what I was going to adress. Laugh





Laugh Squirrel took most of the story!



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I'll admit that I haven't read the book or seen the movies in a while, but I was under the impression that Gandlaf used the full names at this time of the journey. Instead of Sam, he used Samwise, Muntiadok instead of Merry and Peregrine. If annoys he'd use surname as well.





*snaps fingers* Of course! I knew something wasn't right about that one! Thank you for pointing it out! ... erm, when did he actually start to call them by their 'pet names'? After the fall in Moria?



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As for title, I think yours work for now at least. I always need to finish my writings to get the perfect title.





*grumbles* I hate saving my work under a different name than the one it is to be published under... but you're right, as always. And my teacher always tell us to use the first title we come up with as only a working title, else we'll get stuck with what we have



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*Merriadoc actually.





I sometimes forget that their names are different in Norwegian and English... I didn't even catch that!



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For a Title, how about... Immortal Sands?



Like, the sands of time slipping through their hands, as they are reversing in age?





*tastes the title* Immortal Sands... deep. I'll note it, though I wonder about a few other ideas as well.



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Ignore me, thinking is hard when it's late...





Nooo! *huggles Sailor* I could never ignore you! And just take a look at what I write when I'm tired! I can't even recognize it the following day!





As for titles, I've found two more suggestions: This Innocence and The Children Are Watching Us.



This Innocence because of the innocence you can find within all children, and because the Fellowship will be spellbound by it.



The Children Are Watching Us becase children understand so much more than most adults think, because they maintain a sense of responsibility and duty to protect, and because they'll most likely eavesdrop on conversations not meant for sensitive elven ears. *shrugs* But hey, they're kids. What'd you expect?



Wooow, that's one long message!

SailorSilvanesti

How About "The Kids Aren't Alright"?



In reference to the Song "The Kids Are Alright" by The Offspring



Just a random idea...

Squirrel

Tenderfoot,

I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back to you on this, but my life went shit as well, and I've been absent for quite awhile.

You are always welcome for the critiques. Your style is incredible, and I look forward to reading more of your fiction, fan-based or not. I took the time to reread this while I'm here, and my anticipation meter is rising, too. WHAT HAPPENS? For the love of SHOES, what's going on at the end? I'm dying for more. Please continue writing!!

Tenderfoot


How About "The Kids Aren't Alright"?

In reference to the Song "The Kids Are Alright" by The Offspring

Just a random idea...


I'll note it Smile Thank you for all suggestions!



Tenderfoot,

I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back to you on this, but my life went shit as well, and I've been absent for quite awhile.


Life goes shit sometimes. I don't think I've been in here since... February. *winces* Sorry, life happened. It does all the time.


You are always welcome for the critiques. Your style is incredible, and I look forward to reading more of your fiction, fan-based or not. I took the time to reread this while I'm here, and my anticipation meter is rising, too.


Aww, now you're making me blush! *points to self* See?

I've always been told I'm good at writing, but positive critique never ceases to amaze me. Smile Glad I was able to pull off the whole 'cliffhanger-thingy', I've always though I'm lousy at that.


WHAT HAPPENS?


YOU WILL SEE... Smile


For the love of SHOES, what's going on at the end?


*has never had a particular love for shoes, but BOOKS...* What's going on at the end is the very beginning of the action, I would say. At least it is the end of what up till then can be considered normal.


I'm dying for more.


Nooo, don't do that! Then you won't get to know what happens next! And I will lose a potential reader!


Please continue writing!!


Will do Wink