I enjoyed annoying Winnie so much I figure we should pester Two Edge too!
Weld his forge-tongs shut without him knowing
Tell him he looks more like his mother every day.
Declare him the most handsome elf alive!
Put a stripe-back's stink pouch in his forge-coals before he lights it....
Put his hair in pigtails, with pink bows.
And don't forget to braid pearls in his beard. Don't use gemstones and gold - glas and pottery serves the purpose.
Replace his anvil with a replica carved out of rotten wood. Hide in the corner to watch the meyhem!
Hide a hornet nest in said anvil.
And cut his hammer handle halfway through...
Oooh! Fill his slack tank (pool of water used to quench the steel), with gasoline (petrol) or ethanol!
Make sure he'll find nothing but a tooth brush to clean up the mess afterwards.
Tell him that Treestump is a far better blacksmith than he is.
Tell him every day what a cute little elfling he was.
Release a hutch of bunnies into his cave while he is away, allow them time to get comfy before he returns.
Post the location to his cave on facebook, and invite everyone to a party.
First step: send the Preservers to wrap all his tools in wrapstuff ...
Send all metal resources to a far away land for next to nothing, then raise the price of raw brightmetal 500-1000%.
Oh, and ban the smelting of new Brightmetal because of "emissions" and "carbon footprint", so Two-Edge can't make it himself for cheaper.
Second Step: Let the Preservers stuff the Walls and floor of his main cave so that it can function as a padded cell.
Third step: Let the Preservers straitjacket him!
*think he'll still like it?*
Tell the Preservers that Two-Edge would love for them to 'help' with his work
Replace his welding flux with black powder... Ooops!
Tell him how Picknose is SUCH a better metalworker...
Point out how many humans can make a lot more knives better than he, and they dont live nearly as long...
Erect a gravestone for his father... Where he died.
Replace his stockpile of ore with crayons.
Tell him he'll find his father's bones at the end of a rainbow.
Tell the Preservers that Two-Edge would just LOVE for them to sing for him non-stop, and that if he yells at them to stop or tries to squish them he doesn't really mean it and wants them to sing louder.
Tell him that Cutter is more cunning than he is
Tell him that his rhymes suck.
Replace his workbench with a toad stool
(then I thought of a better one)
If he speaks to you, keep asking "huh?" or "I don't understand" every couple lines.
Shapechange him into an elf.
Ask him a simple question, and then respond to everything he says with "Why?"
Convince one or more of the stone shapers to narrow his tunnels gradually day by day and tell him he is becoming fat.
Tell male pattern baldness does not suit him (although it totally does :p ), and that it is a human infliction...maybe he is part human too?
Distribute arrow signs with "Daddy's bones this way" randomly all over his tunnel system.
((Oh, too cruel! *le gaspe* ))
Tell Two-edge that he has his mother's hair.
Tell him Venka hooked up with Rayek - and Winnowill.
Tell him about the internet and show him pictures of him and Rayek making out.
Intoduce him to EQ.com - and tell him to fix the bugs.
Show him fanfictions. Ruancy ones. Of him and....Cutter.
*sorry ... just want to hold and pet him right now*
Fill part of his bellows with pink, glittering powder - of the sticky and itching kind.
Force him through the most sacchirine of rom-coms....((Cannot think of one at the moment...)) Like....Grey Matters.
Tell him he has to apply for a job to make a living in this modern times:
1. Taking application photos ... with a winning smile.
Bad: Bounce him from one "reality" TV show to the next-- make sure to include all shows from all countries!
Worse: Make him watch those shows. Nonstop. On every wall of his caves and tunnels.
Worst: Put him on The Bachelor (as such), and put on every female Elf and Troll he has interacted with in the story, EXCEPT Venka.
2. Writing a curriculum vitae, starting with his parents, "home schooling", apprenticeship and former employments ...
Ask him when he's going to stop dressing like his Mom.
3. Tell him he needs recommendatory letters from his former employers (Greymung, Guttlecraw, Grohmuhl Djun ... and Winnowill)
Have Winnie sing "Anything you can do, I can do better..."
Shapechange him into an elf.
Replace his one-piece garment with preserver webbing.
... and change the design just slightly - into a romper suit.
Convince him that the loincloth and belt look is so over, and take him out shopping for some new threads.
Why is this so bad, you ask? You see, Winnowill has just opened a haberdasher's...and she's verrry clear about who owns it...
Make him drunk with dreamberry wine. Then tattoo his upper arms while sleeping:
"Mommy dearest" at the left
"Winnowill Forever" at the right
What do you think of this one, Two-Edge? ...okay to tease?
*clang clang* Tongs? You mean these are yours? Thats funny, since I found them in an abandoned stretch of tunnel twelve hundred years ago and have been using them evry day since.
But if you're SO broke up about it, itll take a master smith like me about an eight of minutes to whip out a replacement pair and you can have your old ones back.
You want to talk about civilized... How about maturity? Games? Seriously? Are you eight seasons old or something?
Dont get me wrong, Two-Edge, you come up with some creative stuff, but so does my 4 year old mup. At least he knows that rubber wheels roll better than wood and steel!
Tell him he has quite the elvish nose.
Have elves discover sciences..
Tell him compliments about his soft and well-manicured hands.
1. Let him know Winnowill will wear lots of iron pearls in her hair in 32 days.
2. Film him when he puts up lots of magnetic traps.
3. Give the Preservers titanium beads for Winnowill's tresses.
4. Film Two-Edge's reaction when the traps don't work.
5. Put it on BMN.
Pit him against Lex Luthor. He'd like the idea of the challenge, but be annoyed by Lex's complete inability to come close to winning any battle of wits.
Let him know that, in an alternate universe, in anither world, he is a fictional character, who's life is moulded at the whim of a dark haired woman who holds his very existance, fate, and nose at her pen tip....
..And that a fan opened a social networking account under his name....
1. Put circles of black grease around the peeking holes in his secret tunnels.
Plant strangleweed around his forgeroom
Tell him his role in TFQ was skipped for lack of relevance.
... and that he was pronounced dead on FB for this reason.
Tell him that Venka prefers Aroree as a lovemate rather then him.
... but Petalwing and Bumbleclaw have chosen HIM for a threemating!
Tell Petalwing that Two-edge is trying to make wrapstuff....with his beard.
... and then shave him when he's out cold after a day at the forge and three cans of dreamberry wine.
Tell him that Nicholas Cage rhymes better than he does.
Marry him off to Oddbit.
Have Leetah heal him.
have winnie 'heal' him... oh, did that already....
have him get bit by a radioactive spider...
... and then hang out with the Preservers.
Tell him that he has his mother's eyes.
Tell him he cannot play himself in the upcoming live action EQ movie ... because he looks too elfish.
Dump perfume in his forge
Take catnip ... and the kitten again.
Have Moonshade tailor him some pretty pretty clothing, and hide the rest of his so he has no choice but to wear Moonshade's....take a picture, send it to Winnowill (doubles as annoying her too!)
Install hidden movement sensors in his secret tunnel - which will show his prescence there in Greymung's throne room.
Tell him that Treestump has taken over forging for the Elves, and doing as well as he ever did.
Make sure, EACH elf will tell him ...
Send Two Edge to earth in the 1890's, but not let him play with the trains...
OH! That's MEAN! 8-X