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100 ways to annoy Two Edge

TrollHammer

I enjoyed annoying Winnie so much I figure we should pester Two Edge too!



Weld his forge-tongs shut without him knowing

Sandrose

Tell him he looks more like his mother every day.

Embala

Declare him the most handsome elf alive!

TrollHammer

Put a stripe-back's stink pouch in his forge-coals before he lights it....

Sandrose

Put his hair in pigtails, with pink bows.

Embala

And don't forget to braid pearls in his beard. Don't use gemstones and gold - glas and pottery serves the purpose.

TrollHammer

Replace his anvil with a replica carved out of rotten wood. Hide in the corner to watch the meyhem!

Embala

Hide a hornet nest in said anvil.

TrollHammer

And cut his hammer handle halfway through...

TrollHammer

Oooh! Fill his slack tank (pool of water used to quench the steel), with gasoline (petrol) or ethanol!

Embala

Make sure he'll find nothing but a tooth brush to clean up the mess afterwards.

RedheadEmber

Tell him that Treestump is a far better blacksmith than he is.

Embala

Tell him every day what a cute little elfling he was.

Sandrose

Release a hutch of bunnies into his cave while he is away, allow them time to get comfy before he returns.

TrollHammer

Post the location to his cave on facebook, and invite everyone to a party.

Embala

First step: send the Preservers to wrap all his tools in wrapstuff ...

TrollHammer

Send all metal resources to a far away land for next to nothing, then raise the price of raw brightmetal 500-1000%.



Oh, and ban the smelting of new Brightmetal because of "emissions" and "carbon footprint", so Two-Edge can't make it himself for cheaper.

Embala

Second Step: Let the Preservers stuff the Walls and floor of his main cave so that it can function as a padded cell.

TrollHammer

Embala said

Second Step: Let the Preservers stuff the Walls and floor of his main cave so that it can function as a padded cell.

You gotta realize, though, this is Two Edge: he might like this!


Put him on Dancing with the Stars... With Ekuar!

Embala

Third step: Let the Preservers straitjacket him!

*think he'll still like it?*

Sandrose

Tell the Preservers that Two-Edge would love for them to 'help' with his work

TrollHammer

Replace his welding flux with black powder... Ooops!

Tell him how Picknose is SUCH a better metalworker...

Point out how many humans can make a lot more knives better than he, and they dont live nearly as long...

Erect a gravestone for his father... Where he died.

Replace his stockpile of ore with crayons.

Embala

Tell him he'll find his father's bones at the end of a rainbow.

Sandrose

Tell the Preservers that Two-Edge would just LOVE for them to sing for him non-stop, and that if he yells at them to stop or tries to squish them he doesn't really mean it and wants them to sing louder.

Hug him.

Tell him that Cutter is more cunning than he is

Tell him that his rhymes suck.

Embala

Tell him that his rhymes suck.
Ouch!

Recommand spinach for a fresh green complexion ... and muscles developement.

TrollHammer

Replace his workbench with a toad stool



(then I thought of a better one)



If he speaks to you, keep asking "huh?" or "I don't understand" every couple lines.

Embala

Shapechange him into an elf.

Sandrose

Ask him a simple question, and then respond to everything he says with "Why?"

Embala

Convince one or more of the stone shapers to narrow his tunnels gradually day by day and tell him he is becoming fat.

TrollHammer

Embala said


Convince one or more of the stone shapers to narrow his tunnels gradually day by day and tell him he is becoming fat.







Big_laugh

Sandrose

Tell male pattern baldness does not suit him (although it totally does :p ), and that it is a human infliction...maybe he is part human too?

Embala

Distribute arrow signs with "Daddy's bones this way" randomly all over his tunnel system.

Sandrose

((Oh, too cruel! *le gaspe* ))

Tell Two-edge that he has his mother's hair.

Embala

Tell him Venka hooked up with Rayek - and Winnowill.

Sandrose

Snnnk-

Tell him about the internet and show him pictures of him and Rayek making out.

Embala

Intoduce him to EQ.com - and tell him to fix the bugs.

Sandrose

Show him fanfictions. Ruancy ones. Of him and....Cutter.

Embala

*sorry ... just want to hold and pet him right now*

TrollHammer

Embala said

*sorry ... just want to hold and pet him right now*



Depending on his mood, this could be annoying (a bit of a loner, that bloke), or a comfort (a loner that wants someone around)...

but what would definately be annoying would be to ask him if he found it annoying, and why!


Send him through the drivethrough on "Dude, where's my car?"

"...and deeeeeen?"

Embala

Fill part of his bellows with pink, glittering powder - of the sticky and itching kind.

Sandrose

Force him through the most sacchirine of rom-coms....((Cannot think of one at the moment...)) Like....Grey Matters.

Embala

Tell him he has to apply for a job to make a living in this modern times:

1. Taking application photos ... with a winning smile.

TrollHammer

Bad: Bounce him from one "reality" TV show to the next-- make sure to include all shows from all countries!

Worse: Make him watch those shows. Nonstop. On every wall of his caves and tunnels.

Worst: Put him on The Bachelor (as such), and put on every female Elf and Troll he has interacted with in the story, EXCEPT Venka.

Embala

2. Writing a curriculum vitae, starting with his parents, "home schooling", apprenticeship and former employments ...

Trollbabe

Ask him when he's going to stop dressing like his Mom.

Embala

Bow_down Trollbabe

3. Tell him he needs recommendatory letters from his former employers (Greymung, Guttlecraw, Grohmuhl Djun ... and Winnowill)

TrollHammer

Have Winnie sing "Anything you can do, I can do better..."

Embala

Shapechange him into an elf.

Trollbabe

Replace his one-piece garment with preserver webbing.

Embala

... and change the design just slightly - into a romper suit.

docmagnus

Convince him that the loincloth and belt look is so over, and take him out shopping for some new threads.
Why is this so bad, you ask? You see, Winnowill has just opened a haberdasher's...and she's verrry clear about who owns it...

Embala

Make him drunk with dreamberry wine. Then tattoo his upper arms while sleeping:

"Mommy Heart dearest" at the left
"Winnowill Thumbs_up Forever" at the right

Embala

What do you think of this one, Two-Edge? ...okay to tease?

Two-Edge

Embala said

What do you think of this one, Two-Edge? ...okay to tease?

These little pests, quick and intangible like quicksilver, are always out to sabotage my best effords to bring them some civilization. Especially after they have nicked berrywine in the storagecellar again. But wait! I'll build a new trap to catch those little thieves. They are grrr as illusive as preservers. Bugs! All of them. HEY! What happened to my tongs! GRR!

TrollHammer

*clang clang* Tongs? You mean these are yours? Thats funny, since I found them in an abandoned stretch of tunnel twelve hundred years ago and have been using them evry day since.

But if you're SO broke up about it, itll take a master smith like me about an eight of minutes to whip out a replacement pair and you can have your old ones back.

You want to talk about civilized... How about maturity? Games? Seriously? Are you eight seasons old or something?

Dont get me wrong, Two-Edge, you come up with some creative stuff, but so does my 4 year old mup. At least he knows that rubber wheels roll better than wood and steel!

Sandrose

Tell him he has quite the elvish nose.

Two-Edge


*clang clang* Tongs? You mean these are yours? Thats funny, since I found them in an abandoned stretch of tunnel twelve hundred years ago and have been using them evry day since.

But if you're SO broke up about it, itll take a master smith like me about an eight of minutes to whip out a replacement pair and you can have your old ones back.

You want to talk about civilized... How about maturity? Games? Seriously? Are you eight seasons old or something?

Dont get me wrong, Two-Edge, you come up with some creative stuff, but so does my 4 year old mup. At least he knows that rubber wheels roll better than wood and steel!


Yo TrollHammer sooooo good a blacksmith that since you started doing some work for a change around here the fire-ensurance rates went up 200% througout the entire den.

Two-Edge


How's your daddy doing?


Fine. Like an elf. Doin' nuttin'.

PCoquelin

Have elves discover sciences..


WHAT IS..



..LIGHT?

TrollHammer




Yo TrollHammer sooooo good a blacksmith that since you started doing some work for a change around here the fire-ensurance rates went up 200% througout the entire den.



Wouldn't be an issue if a certain trickster hadn't started leaving flammible materials laced through the walls.... Normally stone doesn't burn!

But as to further annoyance of said trickster, perhaps a turn of the game? Replace his anvil with clay... laced with gunpowder! Frustration whether doing hot or cold work!

Embala

Tell him compliments about his soft and well-manicured hands.

Embala

1. Let him know Winnowill will wear lots of iron pearls in her hair in 32 days.
2. Film him when he puts up lots of magnetic traps.
3. Give the Preservers titanium beads for Winnowill's tresses.
4. Film Two-Edge's reaction when the traps don't work.
5. Put it on BMN.

TrollHammer

Pit him against Lex Luthor. He'd like the idea of the challenge, but be annoyed by Lex's complete inability to come close to winning any battle of wits.

Let him know that, in an alternate universe, in anither world, he is a fictional character, who's life is moulded at the whim of a dark haired woman who holds his very existance, fate, and nose at her pen tip....

..And that a fan opened a social networking account under his name....

Embala

1. Put circles of black grease around the peeking holes in his secret tunnels.

TrollHammer

Plant strangleweed around his forgeroom

Embala

Tell him his role in TFQ was skipped for lack of relevance.

Embala

... and that he was pronounced dead on FB for this reason.

Sandrose

Tell him that Venka prefers Aroree as a lovemate rather then him.

Embala

... but Petalwing and Bumbleclaw have chosen HIM for a threemating!

Sandrose

Tell Petalwing that Two-edge is trying to make wrapstuff....with his beard.

Embala

... and then shave him when he's out cold after a day at the forge and three cans of dreamberry wine.

Sandrose

Tell him that Nicholas Cage rhymes better than he does.

Embala

Marry him off to Oddbit.

Sandrose

Have Leetah heal him.

TrollHammer

have winnie 'heal' him... oh, did that already....



have him get bit by a radioactive spider...

Embala

... and then hang out with the Preservers. Wink

RedheadEmber

Tell him that he has his mother's eyes.

Embala

Tell him he cannot play himself in the upcoming live action EQ movie ... because he looks too elfish.

Sandrose

Oooooh...

Dump perfume in his forge

Embala

Take catnip ... and the kitten again.

Sandrose

Have Moonshade tailor him some pretty pretty clothing, and hide the rest of his so he has no choice but to wear Moonshade's....take a picture, send it to Winnowill (doubles as annoying her too!)

Embala

Install hidden movement sensors in his secret tunnel - which will show his prescence there in Greymung's throne room.

Sandrose

Tell him that Treestump has taken over forging for the Elves, and doing as well as he ever did.

Embala

Make sure, EACH elf will tell him ...

TrollHammer

Send Two Edge to earth in the 1890's, but not let him play with the trains...

Embala

OH! That's MEAN! 8-X