ELFQUEST
FORUM ARCHIVE     ABOUT EQ     READ ONLINE     SHOP    
ABOUT     READ     SHOP    

EQ Diaries Revised -For easier reading

Crucent

Part 1
Cutters Diary:
Day umpteen, year lost count.
GRRRRR! I'm so angry with stupid humans.
They somehow got a hold of Redlance and was about to kill him just as I was having some me-time in the river.
Skywise came and dragged me out in such a hurry, I hardly got any time to get clothes on at all (not that he seemed to mind much) before we ran off to save Redlance. Just when we got to smelly human holt, we saw Redlance hung up on their stone thingy like some hideous xmas-tree decoration. Naturally I couldn't let humans kill him, even if he is a bit of a sissy.
It would make me look bad with Nightfall, hottie that she is, so I swooped in and rescued him, and on the way out, I told Smelly old human nr 1 where to shove his Spirit Wand! I am so Butch. Hopefully she'll notice and drop sissy-boy like a hot rock then she can be *my* hottie...



Skywises Diary:
Planet of two moons date 824.39-6/11=3, year The Tapdancing Goat.
Had a fairly uneventful day today. Right up to the point where I was stalking sexy Redlance in the woods, then the great doofus went and got himself caught by humans. After some thinking, decided best plan was get Cutter (just thinking about him sends shivers down my spine, hes SO butch!) and then tag along like loyal friend, and help save the day, and Redlance too. After swiftly locating Cutter in the river, all foamy and glistening with water droplets I got so flustered at the sight of him, I sort of forgot why I was there. Finally Cutter asked me in his very deep Barytone voice, and I managed to tell him what had happened, that it was REALLY urgent this time, and then dragged him off, hardly giving him time to get dressed. When we got to the human place, Cutter immidiately used his amazing mind, assesed the situation, and rushed off to save Redlance, and just as we left, Cutter told Human old ugly Guy off! Just thinking about it makes me wanna get rescued by Cutter myself.



Redlances Diary:
day nighttime, year is anybodys guess.
Had a really crappy day today. First Nightfall went all whiney, wanting a new scull to hang on the wall, and then when I finally went out and found Bambis father to kill, smelly humans got me first! Got dragged to their garbage heap of a holt, and then they started gabbing on about a "Santa Gotara" that they wanted me to meet. It sounded fairly important to them so I figured what the heck, i'll stay for the meet n' greet, then go as soon as its polite. Turned out that for me to meet this Gotara guy, I had to be tied around some rock that was on fire, and then be stabbed to sudden Death, imagine my surprise. I think I passed out from sheer boredom at that point, cause the next thing I remember is Cutter saving my family jewels, then grabbing me and running off back to the holt. Skywise was also tagging along, as ususal. Can' tell me he is not ravingly gay, always prancing about in the fields, gazing at stars, and oogling over Cutter 24/7.

Then when I got home, Nightfall scolded me for forgetting the animal head.



Cutters Diary:
day umpteen and three, year still no clue
well shoot! Had a really terrible couple of days, beeing in the Trolls Caverns with all the stinky fumes kinda made me loose track a bit. Turned out Smelly old human nr 1 really doesn't take well to hearing the truth. He returned later the same night as Redlance was rescued (I'm so Butch!) with a whole herd of smelly humans and they had torches. He was all dramallama and said "Gotara wills a cleansing, all demons must burn" before he torched the place. I tried reasoning with him, but seeing as my logical argument of "you are madder then the mad hatter" failed to work, Strongbow had had enough and arrowed Smelly old human nr 1 to death. Needless to say, things took a turn for the worse, and there was much wedgies and pillow-fights to be had. Finally, beeing the visionary leader that I am, I told everybody to high-tail it to the Trolls Caverns. They didn't really wanna let us in, but what with that guard-troll having the IQ of a dead Madcoil, we had no problems getting inside. After having a polite talk with whats-his-name; Picknose, he kindly took us to the King. I explained the situation, using sock-puppets and a mime otherwise he'd never get it, and then as the King was about to make some grunt or other, Skywise came running and got stuck on a rock!

I mean, I knew he was attractive to others, but rocks? come on!

Then kingy got all "thats mine, you cant have it" so I bitch-slapped him until he saw the error of his ways, and Skywise got a piece of the rock, wich seemed to make him happy enough, and kingy said he had a lovely summer palace by the sea, with skantily clad dwarves and all the dreamberry wine we could ever swim in. It was ours for the time beeing, if we just could bugger off asap. So we did, but, it turned out it was a trap, and so, now we're sitting here trapped in a place called the Golden Tunnel getting the worst case of sun-burn ever, cause noone remembered to bring any sun-tan lotion.



Skywises Diary:
Planet of two moons date 824.39-6/11=6, year The Tapdancing Goat.
Days are certainly more eventful of late.
Humans burned holt, even though Cutter said the fire insurance already was through the roof, then Strongbow got all emo on human old wrinkly guys ass and shot him. Strangely enough, the other humans didn't enjoy that bit as much as Strongbow did, so there was fighting all around. Then Cutter went mildly insane ,even if he is a hottie, and told us all to go to the Trolls. Eww. They are SO fugly! all green-gray, flabby and they NEVER take a bath either... But since Cutter is such a stud-muffin we all went. After some mistake about the guard troll thinking we were salesmen from Nigeria, we got inside, and then Cutter had some talk with the king, the ugly old fart. In the mean time I found a stash of good weed hidden away. So I ran to tell Cutter about it, so we could take it with us, but then some rock latched on to me! I must be sexier than I thought, go me! Kingy obviously got jealous, cause he became all whiney and "mine, mine, mine" so Cutter put his foot down and then he told Cutter about this apparently stunning 30-bedroom flat in Venice that we could use, so we all said okay. So we left with Picknose as the guide, but i think the others had a bit too much of the weed i found, cause at the end of the Golden Shower... err I mean Tunnel, we got trapped. And all the sun is murder on my pale attractive skin.

*sigh*



Strongbows Diary:
.
..
... killed old pain-in-the-kiester. wood burned. went to Trolls. Got tricked. I'm NOT a happy kitten.

Crucent

Part 2


Cutters Diary:
day umpteen and seven, year still no clue
so yeah..... As i was sitting in the tunnel trying to make the others find the secret door back to some shade, Skywise kept playing with his rock, and it kept pointing into that bigass desert. And before I knew it, everybody came to watch it, and then suddenly it was a "sign" so they all stopped searching for the door, and ganged up on me, saying "we want to get some tan", or "you never listen too us" or "why can't we ever do anything *we* want to do" so in the end i gave in and we left.

For the record, that is the LAST time i'm ever gonna listen to a rock.

Cause, lets be honest, deserts aren't all that fun like kingy promised. It's more like a Dali painting or something. It's friggin' hot in the day, and so cold even the wolves demanded fur blankets at night. And to top it off, Redlance got even worse. So even tho that might be good for me later on With Nightfall, the sexy little minx that she is, we had to ditch the both of them just when we got close to some mountains. And then I even got hurt by some stabbing, tall green barrel things. But that was kind of good as it turned out they had water in them. I'm so butch! After some rest and relaxation, shooting clay-pidgeons and suchlike, I really wanted some me-time, but naturally Skywise couldn't keep away from me, so he tagged along. Then after a short hop and a skip we came to the top of the mountain, and then we saw ELVES! Noone was more surprised than me, well except for Skywise, but he doesn't count cause he's not the Boss of the tribe, i am. But I digress. Skywise thought they all looked kind and felt that we should just go ask nicely for food, water, shelter, a car, a diamond mine and a partridge in a peartree. So i said no, lets get the gang and we did. Then, after a short brief, where i got to wear my army uniform, i filled the rest in on the Plan wich was: go, attack, steal, run. Seemed easy enough, but somehow I got things mixed up, cause when we got back from the stealing, i didnt have any water at all, just some female who kept hitting and biting me!

Clearly, someone messed up somewhere.



Skywises Diary:
Planet of two moons date 824.39-6/11=7, year The Tapdancing Goat.
Deserts are NASTY! I got sand in places the High Ones never even heard of. Not to mention the fact that my Aloe Vera bodylotion got Stolen!!! I'm not sure who did it, but Treestump did not seem bothered by the heat. Im just saying.... Anyway, the reason we were in the desert to start with is cause Cutter made us. Naturally noone would *dream*of arguing with him, he's so strongminded and butch, especially when he gets that look in his eyes, and he stands all broadshouldered and legs spread.

What? A guy can dream...

But back to the desert, Redlance and that hussy of his, Nightfall (the slut) got left in it (yay) cause Redlance was too weak to continue. And that sucked for him, cause not like 15 minutes later, we came to some long, huge mountainrange and there poor Cutter got viciously savaged by a big spikey thing! So he attacked it bravely and it turned out that on the inside it held water, in loads! I was so happy, cause then i got to get all niceand clean again. Then as we were lounging and relaxing, Cutter suddenly got up and started walking, so naturally i went with him. He always likes it when i go with him, even if he doesn't say so, he's so shy like that^^ then we suddenly came to the top, and thats when we saw the other elves! and they had nice cottages in a wonderful beige color, and they wore excuisite clothes, and jewellery! So i said we oughta go down and say hi, but Cutter went all alphamale on me and called for the others to join us. Then he said "from now on, we steal what we need", i got all week at the knees he was so hot. And then we charged the village, but even though the plan was loot, pillage and plunder, for some reason i dont get, Cutter showed up with some spray-tanned hussie, who clearly has no fashion sense, or access to a hairdresser. And to put the icing on the cake, she screams like a banshee! >_<




Redlances Diary:
Day still nighttime, year is anybodys guess.
feel like crap and we got left in the desert. Nightfall going all emo on me and crying and snot flying everywhere, sobbing about how i cant leave her and all that jazz. Not that i have an option, i mean, we're in the middle of the desert for crying out loud. Frankly, right now death doesn't seem all that bad, compaired to her constant noise but judging by my recent bad luck, things aren't gonna improve much anytime soon.



Strongbows Diary:
Desert was hot. Cutter got us to mountain. He found water. He then found elves. We raided. He failed. Instead of food, he brought back a girl. He is a moron

Crucent

Part 3


Leetahs Diary:
Date 3.rd wednesday of the Long Hot, Year of The Yodeling Zoot
Oh.My.High.Ones!
you are so not gonna believe what happened to me yesterday. It's like, totally ridiculous!
So like, I was just beeing a goody-goody-two-shoes, and fetching a pail of water as usual, hanging with Rayek y'know, when all of a sudden, like, outta nowhere this gang of thugs came and like, totally attacked the village! I know! SO weird. They just took everything, like, food, and water, and more food, and ME! And then, when we got to the top of the mountain, wich is like SO high up, the winds totally messed up my hairdo, but like whatever. Anyway, the guy who kidnapped me was really a total hottie. All pale, and loads of muscles, and blond! but he did smell so much, that i just couldnt take it anymore, and i screamed and hit him just so he'd let me down so i could get some air y'know? Anyway, I wasn't like really worried, cause I knew Rayek would come save me, and he did, but, he got ganged upon, so he nearly lost the battle, but then he went like, all magic-eyes on the guy, and then the strangers got really riled up, and tried to blindfold Rayek, but then he mentioned the High Ones, and then they got all like flustered and confused, so they let him go, and we talked some more, but then they got all questionny on us, and I didn't know, so we took them to see my dad.



Sir Rayek The Brave Knights Diary:
Day: Day of Doom, month: The Start of my Undoing
'Twas a fair morning and so I ventured outside and espied yon fair maiden who holds the key to my Heart, Leetah. Fair as something very fair indeed, she stood there, tall and haughty by our charming village well, getting herself something cool to drink.
After but a short stroll, I found myself standing next to this creature of unimaginable beauty and we happened upon some light conversation. Then LO!
Suddenly mayhem was upon us all, as our peaceful little hamlet got pounced upon by savage brutes on great big huge beasts, whose mouths were great and snarling indeed. They looted and plundered various food-stuffs and beverages, then to my utter terror, one of the savages gazed on fair Leetah, and GRABBED her against her will, before they retreated swiftly to the top of yon mountain that surrounds our little town! I naturally grabbed my spear and rallied the menfolk to help save the damsel in distress, but alas, only to find their bodies were not made for swift pursuits. So in the end I alone reached the pinnacle and spotted there this band of ragtags and commoners, and there, beeing forcibly held by a blond and pale ruffian was my Leetah. The fury that sight unleashed in me was great and terrible indeed, but to no avail, as my clever plan of using my mighty magic on them to save her was thwarted and my most trusted weapon, my spear was taken from me, before I was then ganged upon and blindfolded. Only when I called out the name of our beloved ancestors, the High Ones, did they stop and released me. Somewhat flustered, I quickly pulled myself together, and as the strangers peppered myself and Mylady with questions, Leetahs calm logic prevailed and it was decided that we should all venture down to the village so they could talk to her father.



Sun-Touchers' Diary:
Day: of the Flaming Sun, Month: Of the Burning Hot
Sleeping I was, when awaken I got shook. Violently.
Mine of Daughter, Leetah, Strangers dragged home.
Weird they were. Clue they had none, Help them I had to.
Weariness, Tiredness, Sorrow I saw in them.
Also, not sharpest of sticks they were.
Left some of their own they had. Forgetful they were.
All rushing to go, a Healer bosself demanded.
Agreed to help did Leetah, not wisest of moves, that was.
Threw a tantrum, Rayek did. Not to go, he said.
Pissed off Leetah that did. Moron he is. Off they went.
Back to bed, I went.


Redlances Diary:
Day 5 after the excruciating pain, year not my best one.
Well here we are again my old lovelies. Things are odd, better but odd. Cutter came back, with two brownies, a pretty female one and a scowling male one. She healed me and Nightfall was all "O.M.G, my hero, you saved him", completely disregarding the fact that i felt like ive been a punching bag for all the trolls in the world and in need of a hug. Then we went to their village, a pretty thing in sandstone for the most part, with some mad fretwork here and there. Then some old goat took Cutter and the gang to see an even older female goat (poss. a goatee, not sure) and thats where i signed out due to lack of sleep.



Crucent

Part 4

Cutters Diary:
Day Nighttime, year yes, i just dont know wich one.
So, beeing so awesome I ordered that girl i found suddenly biting me, to come along and heal Redlance. (i was secretly hoping for a kinky threesome in the desert with Nightfall, hottie that she is) but icky angry guy tagged along all "Mylady, I shall protect your honour!" and well she was like "whatever" so off we went. Found both redlance and Nightfall after like 5 mins walk outside of the village, more fool them for wasting so much time. Anyway, after some hocus-pocus-double trouble-kettle burn and oil bubble thing from foxy lady, Redlance was right as rain, so we all went back. And then, old man smartypants took us to meet (and at this point, you coulda knocked me down with a feather) A HIGH ONE!



Savahs Diary:
Day: of the Flaming Sun, Month: Of the Burning Hot
We, Savah the Firstborn, was sipping a lovely cup o' tea when our
great-to-the-umpteenth son graced us with his person. To our extreme delight, he had brought visitors along, and a joyous occation it was indeed, for they turned out to be our so far removed kin, that they were practically confiscated. However, they seemed more then a little uncouth, when one of them suggested We were a High One. Ahem. We had to regrettably inform him that We were not a High One, and allthough We secretly wished to flog this impudent elf, Ahdri assured us quietly that it would indeed be frowned upon, if attempted. Instead, she and We went about planning a Party to celebrate our long-journeyed kin that same evening, and it was a lovely affair indeed, but We tire, so We shall go to Our sleeping chambers now, and continue this Story later on.



Sir Rayek The Brave Knights Diary:
Day: Day of Doom, month: The Start of my Undoing (addendum)
Harrumph! After having accompanied, and watched over the Radiant Leetah as she healed that scoundrel ilk, we returned swiftly to the Village. The rapscallion that is their leader (!), even dared talk to Savah, The Wise and Fair One!!! It was enough to make me flare my nostrils! Then to add insult to injury, later that very same Eve, when our folk had generously made a Ren-Faire for them, that impudent oaf of a pale chief went for MY Leetah, as she spun and twisted so effortlessly and graciously to the sound of sheeps baahing and the Zwoots farting, I was LIVID with Rage! How Dare He?!?!? HE MUST PAY!!!



Leetah's Diary:
Date 4.rth friday of the Long Hot, Year of The Yodeling Zoot
Wowza! That Cutterdude, soooo hawt! But let me start at the party.
Last friday, Savah (god, she's so OLD) was all like "I want a party for the visitors" and everybody was like "yeah totally". So, as me and some friends were dancing, Cutter just like, totally grabbed a hold of my veil! and I was like "eww, let go, you smelly oaf" and he was like, all silent and strong and stuff, sooo hot! But then Rayek got pissy, cause he seemed to think I'd like... marry him or whatever, and so he challenged Cutter to a trial, and so now like I'm all "WTF" and stuff, cause, I can't really think about who I want, cause every time I try, I get a headache. But, ShenShen is all like "just give the guy a try, Rayek would so hate it!" And it'd be so funny if I do, and he goes all red and angry and starts to flare his nostrils XD but I'll just wait and see about this trial thing first, I mean, I don't want a babydaddy that's like, in jail and stuff, cuz like, then who'll take care of me and shit?


Cutter's Diary:
Day umpteen and twenty-six, year: anybody's guess
jeez... things certainly are hectic here compared to home.So Old wrinkled lady decided to give me a party cause I''m just that awesome. At the party, that total babe Leetah was dancing and shaking her moneymaker right in front of me all evening long, so finally I grabbed her veil, and just gave her my most Manly butch stare, gazing into her eyes, making sure she knew just how Awesome I really am. Apparently it didn't work ,cause whenever I meet her now, she's like all huffy and snappish, maybe I had bad breath...
Anywho; that fart Rayek, seemed to think she was his, even tho she's never even looked in his direction all night long, So he threw a stick at me! What a wuss. It turns out that stick, is like... a challenge to win the right to date Leetah, so before we've settled that, she's not even watching me flex my awesome muscles, even if I do it right in front of her.
I tried.

Crucent

Part 5
Pike's Diary:
Day: the day I had nothing to drink, year: a dry one.
Oy Vey...so sad... There was a party, but NO DRINK! The chutzpah of that shikse woman. Feh! ...I can see I have my work cut out for me, now to find those berry-seeds, but first Borsht.... Zie Gezunt .



Skywise's Diary
Planet of two moons date 824.639-3.14{-45}, year The Tapdancing Goat.
Oh Boy Cutter is SOO fab! After getting Redlance healed (why does Redlance always need saving or healing, seriously?) by that red-haired trollop with the tag-along black-haired sourpuss, they all threw us a party. The trollop danced, QUITE provocatively I might add, right in front of Cutter! The Nerve, then he couldn't see ME. But he apparently didn't like it and tried to get her to move by yanking ahold of her veil, but she didn't get it ( what a shocker...)and the end result was that the sourpuss, who has FABULOUS hair btw (I gotta find out how he does it, really. All this sun and sand is murder on my skin and hair.) got so angry his nostrils flared as he threw a stick at Cutter. So it turned out the stick is like a challenge to court the trollop (EWW), and Cutter accepted, go figure. So the first thing was like a wrestling match, but don't get excited, there was no oil at all (so disappointing). Naturally Cutter won, AND I got to oogle at him getting all hot and sweaty, muscles flaring, YUM! As they wrestled, someone stole Cutters cutter, I mean, the sword! I thought the security would be better in the middle of Nowhere, but no. Then the next day, they TIED HIM UP! (Now why have I never thought of that?!) and hauled his ass and Sulky McCrankypants off to some cave then left them there. I bet Martha Stewart wouldn't do that!Anywho, before they hid the boys,I managed to slip my pet rock, Fluffy, into Cutters pants aathankyouverymuch! ^^ And, apparently, it was a good thing I did, as it helped him grab his sword, wich someone had hidden in a cutlery drawer, and that allowed Cutter to return back first. Then the last day; it was a balance act competition, I thought perhaps Cirque De Soleil was casting for new ppl, but no. They had to sashay across a plank that was lying on two rocks, not even 3 inches above the ground, then pat a turtle.
Sissies! Moodypants managed, almost, but fell halfway, and couldn't get back on again. Then it was Cutter's turn. Cutter was almost across but got a splinter in his foot and freaked out, poor him. But I couldn't go help him according to old Wrinkles, so we had to sit and wait, and wait, and hope and wait, until he managed to get it out himself. The Hero!! After that he did cartwheels over, patted the turtle and returned without a problem.



Scouter's Diary:
Day: yes, year: that too.
well here we are in the desert. Funny place this. No trees as far as the eye can see, even if it is my eye doing the seeing. (and that should tell you all you need to know really). What can I say? roasting hot in the day, freezing my ass off in a dingy cave at night. Not exactly Hawaii. Frankly I don't even know why we're here but whatever. I mean.. I've been bored out of my wits here, but at least I have Dewshine the coy minx, to keep my furs warm at night, wich seems to be infinately better then how our Chief Fur-for-brains has it. He is stuck with either Skywise, wich seems a bit... Harrumph as Treestump would say, or that red-haired babe, but she's not putting up with, or even out for him. Poor bastard. Anyway, the other day, her dad screamed like a banshee (no guesses where she got her lungs from) for me to come IMMIDIATELY! Yeah right, cause thats easy when I'm in the middle of Dewshine, doing my thing. Naturally she got pissed when I left, but a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, amirite? Whatever. All he wanted me to do really was stare at some mountain, and tell him what I saw. I saw horses. I told him so, I also added that I am not a pair of walking binoculars then left.



Sir Rayek The Brave Knights Diary:
Day: Day of Meh, month: The Continuation of my Undoing
Alas, I am A Knight without Land or Lass! Woe is me, For I got ignored by the Light of my Life; Leetah. She chose that "#¤%&/zx<"#¤ fiend Cutter, over MOI!!!I Cannot believe it, I WILL NOT accept it! <.< ...I will slip away quietly when noone is looking with all my hair conditioner and Leave that wretched woman, those alien thugs and their "hair" in a right royal mess. Haha! Don't think I haven't seen "The Way" they all have been oogling over my pretty hair, but they shall NEVER have as splendid hair as me my prescious, not they Shan't.
Then I'll go West, Life is Peaceful there, and start my Hair Emporium. I'll call it R'ayekal (because I'm worth it), and I'll become filthily rich, and NEVER EVER EVER HAVE ANY SUN-VILLAGER OR WOOLFRIDER AS MY CLIENT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aha, haha, hahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Ahem.

Crucent

Part 6
Sun-Touchers' Diary:
Day: of the Slightly clouded Sun, Month: Of the Burning Hot
As the Cork and Kerry Mountains, I was going over (despite fragile and old Beeing I am) a smoke of great plume I saw. Eagle-Eye furrybutt I called. What he saw, I asked of him. Horses he replied, then left. Trouble afoot there is. Stampede they will, right on my hortensias! A great pile o dung they leave behind. Pissed beyond belief they make me.
wish Rayek here still was, great shoveler was he.



Strongbow's Diary:
Cutter fought for Leetah. Won, but no Hanky-Panky. Seems to think weight-loss will win her over. I say he just take her. Then Horses, chaos, hunt. Dewshine bumped on head. Horse tried to Eat Leetah who wanted to save Dewshine. Didn't like the taste of her hair, chocked on a hairball, then died. Leetah Pissed off but saved Dewshine. All is well.



Leetah's Diary:
Wowza! So the horses came running, like, superfast. But Rayek wasn't there to save the day, so, those Riderguys had to help, and then there was this girl, who was like superfrail, like with pneumonia, or bad balance or something that went with them. Anyways, they like, totally saved our asses, but then the girl got roped in by the horses ( i mean, come on! I thought it was supposed to work the other way y'know? horses roped by us? but like, whatever.) So Anyways, she got stuck and hit her head, so I had to save her, but for beeing so tiny, she sure was heavy. But I saved her Smile Then I like, wanted some cuddlin n stuff, but that cutter guy was like, no where to be seen, only that totally gay guy always following him, so I called him fat and went to find Cutter, then he was a dork, and then he put me on his dog, then we totally did it!



Sir Rayek The Brave Knights Diary:
Day: Day of Bah, month: The Continuation of my Undoing
As I was sitting down for a rest after my long and arduous voyage to remove myself from the lass and the village, there appeared a mirage, it was a bird...? a flying elf...? ney, it was indeed Mother of Memory Savah who had come unto me to inform me that I owed her 1 months rent, my penguin had died and Leetah that harlot had done it with that fleshmongering foolish coward of a wolfboy!



Savahs Diary:
Day: evening, Month: Of the Chilly Sun
We were sitting on Our throne and contemplating events of these last years over the Ethernet (Leetah finally made whoopie with the young cock then dropped two I ask of you!! Has she not heard of Birthcontrol, one must wonder...), when all of a sudden We felt a mindsneeze like nothing before. It was enough to rattle our teeth I'll have you know. I quickly signed off, and Ahdri came with a Stiff brandy wich made Us feel much better, but it felt like We had just been squashed by a troll.
It was quite unnerving.


Nightrunner's Diary:
Day: Now, Year: Now
Hunt. Food. Home. Pounced upon. Sprained back. Heavy pup. Took Rabbits. Left. Fed. Bit fleas. Sleep



Woodlock's Diary:
Day: when things went sour. Year: When those good-for-nothing-baffoon-apes returned!
So, after Cutter and Leetah finally hooked up and had some cubs a few years rolled by, then suddenly one night the wolves howled and we all went to examine it. And there...There... THERE WAS HUMANS!!!! TRFES#"#¤E%RADFHGSF¤#GJNYKJF)GIMOB"#SDFGSN
I could feel my blood boil at the sight of those snot-nosed, whining, wood-burning ungrateful HAMSTERDROPPINGS!!! I just wanted to KILL THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! DIE, DIE, DIE, Swift stabbity pointy DEATH! YES, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

Ahem.

But Redance that lovey-dovey feel-gooder wanted to "talk", pah, as if *that* ever helped, and Cutter the suddenly sensible one (you'd think he wasn't even a cub of Bearclaws) actually let those snivelling bottom-feeders to speak and explain their wiews.
Then he let them go! But then Strongbow got real mad, and then Cutter bitch-slapped him (oh the Muscle!) before we all had a lovely game of Bridge with The Quee.. err, Savah, but she had no news (big surprise, she's old as the Hills and only listens to commercials on Ethernet since Ahdri cancelled her subscription to The Times, so she's as clueless as ever) and the sneaky cow finally managed to plant a seed with Cutter to get all of us to move out, cause she secretly wants to convert our caves into Troll Day-Spas. So There you have it; Cutter's bugging out, no doubt with Skywise trailing along, and we're all gonna get evicted.

Next time, I'm buying Time-share!

Crucent

Part 7
Skywise's Diary:
Day: DEPARTURE TIMEEEE, WOHOOO! Year: Who cares? I'm still smexsayh baby!
O.M.G!! I'm so Happy!! Yay FINALLY, Cutter (the smeksy man-wolf) have gotten his common sense back, after 6 YEARS of trying out the whole male-female family-life crap, with *shudders* Leetah! They even have two cubs; a boy who is faabulous!! and a girl, who is utterly average. But I've been steadfast; I've waited for him, and now at last me and him only, are gonna go away on a nice trip, just the two of us *squees in joy* I'm not entirely sure *Where* we will be going, but that's okay, cause Cutter's so hot! But it's time to go, He's here, updates to come! Tata my Lovelies.

Day: One week later.....

I'VE BEEN TRICKED!!! We went back through that d*mn desert once more, cause, to quote Cutter 'nothing gets up your appetite more then a mouthful of grit every day' My Hair is a mess, I have NO sunblock, or moisturizer, and to top everything off, there's not a drink in sight *pouts* *PROFUSELY!*



Cutter's Diary:
Day: Ten after we left Sorrow's End, Year: 6 after the Cubs were born.
Well Gnatbutts! The humans came back, even tho the Trolls *promised* that they would leave us alone. Who knew Trolls lied?? So me and the Missus had a few talks and after hearing her go On and ON about how Rayek always curled her hair and did her pedicures for her, I finally had enough, so I dragged Skywise along for a guys night out, buuuut... we kinda got sidetracked after a talk I had with Savah. So now we're in the Troll Caves, but there's no Trolls here, none. Not even a Forwarding Address in sight! Most strange...


Nightrunner's Diary:
Day: Now. Year: Now.
Leave. Hot. Return to oldhome. Smells not right, yet. Tallhomes gone.



Leetah's Diary:
Day: 2.nd Tuesday of the Dark and Gloomy, Year: The Nancing Zwoot.
OMG, OMG, OMGGGGG! So like okay, like, here's the thing right. Like, I totally hooked up with wolfie-boy, and like he was such a STUDMUFFIN, and like suddenly 2 years later there was a knock at the door one evening and then there was like a bird! with a bundle, and two kids in it. The Bird just dropped it off and left it, but like, I can't remember ordering a pair of kids. Im so confused! There was like, a card, and it said ' Congrats on your kids, kiss your sleep goodbye.' and that. was. it. And then right, like, only a few days ago, Cutter just said 'i'll only be gone a little while' but then he and Skywise (that nancyboy) just disappeared into thin air! like OMGGGG! I'm so gonna make him sleep on the couch when he gets home again.



Woodlock's Diary:
Day: when things went even worse. Year: When a cub decides our faith.
Come ON! I know Suntop is Cutter's cub, but dang it all; just cause the pest cant sleep at nights, we ALL have to go after Cutter to apparently save him from a bad bird he ate at dinner?!?! This couldn't have come at a worse time. I just closed the deal on a lovely timeshare-hut in the village with 42 bedrooms. (Cause, you know, Rainsong is so fertile I just have to look at her and she's pregnant. Again.) And we already have like 34 kids, but does she care? does she get Birth-control?? Noooo 'oh Woodlock, you *know* how hard it is for us Wolfriders to have cubs' My Bottom!!!! All I know is *I* haven't gone near her for years, but she seems to be awful friendly with the other males around here. Just saying...



Leetah's Diary:
Day: 4.th Friday of the Dark and Gloomy, Year: The Nancing Zwoot.
Thats IT! I can't take it anymore!!! Kids whining, wolves howling and the damn dwarfs keep on digging up my bedroom floors at night 'just looking for the Yellow-brick Road' whatever that is. I Swear; if I gotta stay one MINUTE more in this place, someone will PAY! I'm totally going after Cutter, it's about time he got his comeuppance for leaving me with the kids, and I shall make certain he gets it, in Spades.



piknouses dai, dej, notes.
HOT DIGGerTy Pig! Dun ya think good ol' Cutter ish bak. Fab Greate njus, innit! XD
I kan havve mai kii bak, aftr gettn himm drUnk on Maggotis buus an den imma stiil it. But husssj <.< dont tell anybodone. issa sikret!



Suntop's DIary:
I want my daddy! The Birds is a really scary movie, Why did nobody tell me that?!?



Strongbow's Diary:
Cutter left. Good man him. Skywise also ran off. Now The blonde cub is hysterical. Time to get going. I r bodyguard. Me Gusta.



Starjumper's Diary:
Octomoon 23.rd. roughly around the 1400's.
After a pleasant stay in the village for a few years, one evening myself, my pet, his friend and Wolf-leader suddenly left. We trekked through that ghastly Desert once more then found the troll caves deserted. Most strange. Then we got ambushed as we came to the old Holt. My pet and his friend got caught, but myself and Wolf-leader got away. Then a few hours were spent hunting and peeing to mark territory, before we left again. This time we ended up crossing some plains, and at the plains we got substituted for some hoofed animals cause Wolf-leader's paws were getting sore, but we tagged along all the same.
Arriving at the edge of a forest, we ran off and relaxed in the shade, wich; let me tell you, was REALLY nice, then the pets found some tall two-legs, wich took dancing-white-hot too Wolf-leaders face! After that our pets decided to do group-things with the tall two-legs so we stayed for a bit.



Cutter's Diary:
Day: no, night. Year: I'm pretty sure it is yeah.
Well, things have been getting hectic! After me and Skywise came to the Troll subways, they were empty. Not a pot of gold in sight, and no trolls either. Then we went to Ye Olde Holte; but there had been a very rash Fire-sale, and everything had gone, even my pink slippers. ;_; oh well. We then got elfnapped, cause im just that smeksayh! It was Picknose, of all people. Who knew he had that many functioning brain-cells left?! He then got us roaringly drunk, after stealing my Tweezers O'Death!!! but I gots it back, when Skywise threw up later after we escaped bravely thanks to my ingenious plan of confusing the Trolls by asking them what 2+2 was XD So we zigged, and zagged to make sure they lost our trail, we even took the second star to the right, cause Skywise seemed to think it was a good idea. But that only landed us in a VERY strange place with kids in bad halloween costumes, and the TINIEST elf you ever saw, she could fly! Maybe she was half preserver? either way; By clicking our heels three times, we returned to some mangy old forest, where the first thing that happened was a mice jumped up and gave me a toothache! the bugger. Alltho; it *WAS* nicely wrapped...But I showed him! in return I secretly had all the pizza-places on wherever we are, send him pizzas. With No Cheese!! Muahahahaha. Then we found some dentist/painters living in the woods, in a house made of gingerbread and sweets, smelled a bit like cooked ham in there.... either way; we're now staying with them, cause they told me a lovely story of more beeings like me; only they could also fly. What's up with that?!

Crucent

Part 8
Savahs Diary:
Day: early evening, Month: Of the Strong Wind
Blast, Drat and Poot! Cutter left, but then the cub suddenly got all kerfuffled and Leetah the...parentally-challenged, didn't know what to do about it so she came and asked Us for help. In the end We had to go online on the Ethernet to look for help, but then we suddenly discovered Ahdri neglected to pay the bill so we got stu



Skywise's Diary:
Day: Bazinga-day, Year: Still the same one
Hello Birds, Hello trees! I'm aliive!!! So, this whole going-to-buy-some-milk thing with Cutter is turning out to be a drag and then some. We did find some 'ho-mans' I think they call themselves. She does some lovely Raphael-like work, early style mind you, and he... is all tall and alpha-male. Let's just say; I can see what she sees in him Wink But on the other hand, he did set fire to Nightrunner, just cause Nightrunner pooped on the male guy's bed. Honestly, that guy is just oversensitive if you ask me. But sadly, after rummaging through her bathroom (for an artist she has GHASTLY taste in make-up, fyi)i still haven't found any conditioner for my hair!!! It's times like this I almost wish Rayek was around, he had *such* lovely shine to his hair...




Adar's Diary. Day: 17, Year: 1305 B.G.D.(before Grohmuhl Djun)
Grrrrrumblemumblewinmblewumble!
So I was peacefully minding my own business, the firewood shop, when i hear a bloodcurdling scream! I run over to the missus and in her arms i see a clearly swedish midget, and in front of her the biggest dog I ever saw, so I did what any man would do when getting guests; I set the dog on fire. After the ettiquetty things were done, we all sat down and yodeled loudly, then played a game of Kerplunk where we learned (via Braille) that the strangers weren't Swedes at all, they were elves (but they look nothing like Santa's little helpers, at ALL! ...alltho there was one with white hair...)It seemed they wanted to find more beeings like themselves, and i had to inquire if they had no map, or sense, as there is a great big HUGE themepark for elves, by elves just down the road! Apparently they have no mailbox where they live, so they never got the leaflets. Anyway after the Missus showed them her cartoons, they decided to go get a tourist guide from the neighbours, whom we do Not talk to after what their Bone-Woman said about My Missus, I dont care what she says, she is lying! We never took that pair of red high-heels that she keeps ranting over. They just don't match *anything* I have in my wardrobe.



Lord Voll's Diary:
Day 3249857609485298435730948537545986573098674698762098437 54395 after i became Leader Year 239865745986746665 after the start of my rule.
Im SO bored. And Winnys fixation on pink is getting Really old, really fast.
There is some amusement to be had though, I started a rumor that elves can fly LOL!
Seeing the other guys climb for hours on end up to the tallest peak of this godforsaken mountain then throw themselves off as they flap their arms always brings a tear to my eye (as i laugh till i cry) It did also make the people down by the foot of the mountain start to worship us. I didnt see that one coming, but at this point im so bored ill take anything i can get. Aaaanyway; I still haven't found any way to get rid of those pidgeons haunting this place; Magic wont work, but it made them bigger. Pesticides wont work, it just made them stronger. Shooting them wont work, they just hide. I may need to look into recipes for how to cook birds big enough to feed an entire mountain soon.




The Bone Woman's Diary:
day: Ick. Year: banana. I am STARVING!! I wish Oldbar hadn't sent off that painter lady. She was nice and plump. Bet she didn't have any bad colesterol either, I wish I could have had her over for dinner. But nooo, Oldbar that moron, mister 'I-can't-find-a-good-shirt-to-save-my-life-cause-I-am-s o-thick' got his panties in a hose just cause she speed-painted his portrait when he was running a red herring on the river wich gave him a speeding ticket! oversensitive twat. I mean, it's not *her* fault that HIS nose is 5 feet long. I hope they come back soon, Im hungry. And she had a mean casserole.
Im serious, it jumped up and punched me once.

Crucent

Part 9
Tyldak's Diary:
Day: Njet, iz alvays Dark night! Year: I Lost count.
Zo, Vinnovil, waz bored one night, came to me, say 'Tyldak, you look like you are livink in ze 1960's wiz dat hair. Ish ztoopid. I can better hyou. make you fly, da?' I tink about diz for some nights, the I go to her, I say 'Da. Hyou make me look fly.' She made me look like an idiot! She gave me vings! vat am I, from Transylvania? Njet, Karaschov! I do not look fly at all. I am most enraged! And den, as she led me over to ze vindov, she started to apologize, then she push me out ov ze vindov! I am thinking 'dat bitch! she iz tryink to kill me!' but then I fly! Now I m not angry wiz her anymore, I am soaring like ze big birds. If only Voll didn't insist I now live in a big birdcage, I vould be glad.



Winnowill's Diary:
day 1.397.2478.242 after we first came here.
oh, guess what I did?! I felt a little bored so I was looking through the newest Voguelf, and it said Pink is the new black! well, naturally I had to redo all of Blu-Purp-Re-Yell-Bla-this place Pink, and it looks STUNNING! Voll the old Bird, did mumble something, but then he went off to see the others try to fly so he forgot the pink, thank god! cause re-painting it again, would cost more money then we have. I'd have to sell my Wardrobe!!! Then I read that the 1960's are SOOO out, so I helped Tyldak get a fashion-makeover, but then I think some of the >.>... ''pipe-weed''... we had the night before finally kicked in so when I was done... he had, he had Wings!! So then he got a bit upset, but as I told him, at least now he can stop taking the stairs all the time, then I pushed him out the window, oopsie.^^



pikNous3s nout, mjusin, SkriBbls
bai GreimUngS vartZ!! Ai hadd himm! aI hAdd Kutt3R!! Ai iven gott hiM dronk, butt hIm n SkaiV zkyiWa the odder wone GOTT AVAI!!! Mai KIIIIIII ;_;




Cutter's Diary:
Day: hard to tell in all this forest, Year: I've given up trying.
After a bit of clever thinking on my seksayh part I finally got wriggled out of the Hoo-mans that the Elf Tourist Resort is just a hop, skip and a jump away. So me and Skywise (who have been starting to give me nasty looks along with his hair getting dirtier) had a bath where he tried to drown me! I mean, Me, all this hotness!! what's that about? Anywho, we had a game of irish sworddance after the bath were i explained why we gotta go see those other guys and he agreed, but... he was a bit busy staring longingly at my calves. Dear Bearclaw, I hope we find other FEMALE elves soon!




Skywise's Diary:
Day: not my best, Year: very much the same one.
I FINALLY found the soap of that painter lady, so while she wasn't looking, I quietly tripped over some earthenware bowls and stole it. What? at this point i'll take what I can get, my hair is RUINED!! Last night i found a small bird, actually nesting in it. High time to take action, in other words. Then after bathing with Cutter (that sexy bunny) he told me we were gonna go see those other elves, wich is good. Maybe they have some conditioner. But then Cutter said we had to go by that painter-lady's man's old tribe, that banished them!
We can't even pretend to go there asking for sugar, cause they haven't discovered it yet!!
how the heck does he think we'll survive?!? The paintfumes must have gone to his brain.




Leetah's Diary:
Day: 4.th Saturday of the Dark and Gloomy, Year: The Nancing Zwoot.
Why in the blazing bluebottomed horseflies did I just get a feeling of Cutter.... Bathing? THIS IS TERRIBLE! He's startin to show inclinations of self-grooming, WHAT TORTURE IS HE GOING THROUGH?!?!?



Oldbar's diary:
Day: Mine, Year: Mine.
I'm the biggest, I'm the strongest, I'm the best! I fear nothing, or noone! I rule!
I'm bored.
I should find new things to do, to make the tribe better! like....running across fire, or... running with something big, like bigger then a rabbit! like... not wolves, but...bears! or wrestle a fish!



Bone Woman's Diary:
Day: Sploink, Year: Ick.
That's it! Oldbar lost his last marble, he actually suggested we all take up something he calls 'sport' to improve ourselves. And then he gave me a very pointed look. I hope he finds something else to occupy him, soon! still hungryyyy...



Nonna's Diary:
Day: I'd tell you, but I don't know, Year: probably yes.
High time we get going, someone has been stealing my paints. I need to restock. I'd better remember to bring my soaps along so I can trade. Good thing the thief never found those as well.

Adar's Diary:
Day: more afternoon, Year: Iffy.
so, I'm finally back. And the old holtsite is a MESS!!! Oldbar is just lying facedown on the ground pushing himself up and down all the time so I don't think he even noticed us coming. The Bone Woman must have been on some kind of new diet, cause Bone Woman she ain't nomore, she's even wider around the waist then Oldbars chest is across!!!
The others in the tribe didnt even remember me, wich explains why I never got any christmas cards or birthday gifts, and Oldbar's brother (the scatterbrain) finally went and managed to loose his name, wich probably is for the best, Ethelbert never seemed right.
Just wish he could have found a better replacement then Thief.

faeriegirl

LOVE!

Embala

This is great fun :D